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    Left Behind

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
  • A woman keeps her promise to send money with her deceased husband.

    Sending it With Him

    There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a…
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    Mother's Intuition

    I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…
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    Keep Walking

    An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.…
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    Headstones

    In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to…
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    More Bad Headlines

    ~ March Planned For Next August ~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See ~ Lingerie Shipment…
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    Religious Lady On Plane

    There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
  • Picture of a chef with thumb down

    You are a lousy cook if.…

    You are a lousy cook if.... Your family automatically heads for the table every time they…
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    Season Ticket Swap

    Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly,…
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    Cleaning Job

    Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple.…
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    Some Wacky Definitions

    EGOCENTRIC: a person who believes he is everything you know you are. MAGAZINE: bunch of…
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    Essay Woe

    CleanLaugh list member Richard Killey sent me this real life school note dilemma in…
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    Pop Please

    While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She…

1.  Dogs are never permitted in the house.  The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2.  Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3.  Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4.  Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5.  Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

6.  The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7.  Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8.  Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture...  upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9.  The dog never sleeps on the bed.  Period.

10.  Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11.  Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12.  Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.

13.  Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14.  Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping.  That's just not fair.

15.  The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

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