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    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse

    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse USA Today:WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal:DOW…
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    Quarter Back

    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse:…
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    Modern Day Proverbs

    ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES…
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    Number Eighteen

    A first time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for…
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    Broken Scale

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Restroom Bugs

    I took my granddaughter to church camp for the first time last weekend. Behind the…
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    Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

    "Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do…
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    What It Means

    Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census…
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    Five Kinds of Fruit

    In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They…
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    Doctor's Advice

    A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw…
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    Sinner

    The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners…
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    Record Store

    A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home…
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    Alllleee-oop!

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
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    Dish Shopping

    When visiting her family in Los Angeles, a woman decided to explore a trendy shopping…
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    The Cowboy's New Car

    Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart alec Tex" said the…

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
- Unknown

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
- Gene Hill

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
- Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
- Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
- August Strindberg

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Robert A.  Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
- Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
- Edward Abbey

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
- Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
- Unknown

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