logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Boss and E-Mail

    I used to work for a multimillion dollar consulting firm doing desktop support. The…
  • Default Image

    You and Your Boss: The Subtle Differences

    If you take a long time, you're slow. But if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.…
  • Default Image

    Missing The Obvious

    One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy…
  • Default Image

    Name Problem

    It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the…
  • Default Image

    What "Guy" Phrases Really Mean

    "I'm going fishing."really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in…
  • Default Image

    Mom's Phone

    Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a…
  • Default Image

    Chair Philosophy

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
  • Default Image

    Free Paper

    My dry cleaner very generously gives each customer a free copy of the daily newspaper. As…
  • Default Image

    Muddy General

    During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered…
  • handcuff

    Houdini Wannabe

    A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance"…
  • Default Image

    Wrapping Help

    My wife asked me to help wrap Christmas presents this year, but I was watching football…
  • phone handheld 2

    Calls to Information Assistance

    Just a few decades ago, before the days of Google and online information, people would…
  • Default Image

    The Day Before

    Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles his…
  • Default Image

    Strange Lawsuits

    An inmate filed a $5 million lawsuit against himself (he claimed that he violated his own…
  • Default Image

    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #2

    C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN

Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard To Protect

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs.  Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person.  If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark.  So bark--- a lot.
Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house.
specially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds.  There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human.  Humans prefer clean tongues.  Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice.  If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers.  There are never enough holes in the ground.  Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed.  Everywhere.  It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor.  It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never--- quite--- catch them.
It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry.  ...Eat a shoe.

Powered By JFBConnect