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    Ten Things a Mom Doesn't Want to Hear

    1. I swallowed a goldfish. 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons. 3. Does grape…
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    I've Got Shingles

    A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He…
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    Mom's Bath Note

    Dear Kids, Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath.…
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    Nephew Caddy

    My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game. "You have to count my…
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    New and Approved

    The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story.…
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    Hand Dryers

    My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and…
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    Shoe Cover-Up

    One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this…
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    Lose The Cat

    A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    Exercise Routine

    Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Bank Call

    One of my jobs at a bank is to answer the phones and put callers through to the right…
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    Signs of the Times

    In a Vet's Office:"All unattended children given free kitten"Lot outside Vet's office in…
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    Talking in Your Sleep

    A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.The…
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    Cow-isms

    *Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms.* Socialism: You have…
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    Learn Those Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I…

Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home. "Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."

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