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More Jokes

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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    Shovel Need

    One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have…
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    I can't come in to work today because . . . .

    - "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm…
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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Birthday Greetings

    Seen on a birthday card.Forget about the past, You can't change it.Forget about the…
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    Paid To Worry

    Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he…
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    Knowing the Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers."Yes," he said. "I do.…
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    Empty Nest Syndrome

    You know you are suffering from "Empty Nest Syndrome" if..... You have thrown out the…
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    Teachers About to Retire

    You know you're a retiree-to-be when... 1. Fellow staff members greet you in the hall…
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    Untouched for 600 Years

    A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This…
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    Traffice Warning

    As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local…
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    Why Ask Why

    *Why Ask Why*Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and…
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    Third Grade Assignment

    My daughter's third-grade teacher had assigned the children to write a story titled "My…
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    Y2K Backup System

    While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our…
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    Art Good News/Bad News

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on…

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

"You don't want to try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.  "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.   'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"

The expert replied, "Actually, yes.  It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready.  Now I do it in seven."

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