logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Call Me Tex

    A policeman saw a man dressed in full cowboy garb -- hat, chaps, duster, six-shooters,…
  • rock

    Ahh, Tourists

    A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all…
  • Default Image

    W-a-i-t-i-n-g

    The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was…
  • Default Image

    Lost in the Woods

    Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, "Don't worry. All we have to do…
  • Default Image

    Refrigerator Goals

    When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the…
  • Default Image

    Prescription Change

    An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you…
  • Default Image

    Finally Heard

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.The…
  • Default Image

    Pilot Humor

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems…
  • Default Image

    Aunt Emma

    A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the…
  • Default Image

    Laundry Comments

    A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating…
  • Default Image

    Parrot Strings

    A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in…
  • Default Image

    Turtle Keeper

    Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the…
  • Default Image

    Pig Feed

    There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the…
  • Default Image

    IBA

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
  • phone2

    Day Off From School

    On Monday a call came in to the school receptionist. "Hello. Please mark William absent…
In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. But The Great 2000 Election Controversy is so big that a bunch of all-star poets have come out of retirement to quickly set the story to rhyme.

*For starters, history buff Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:*

Listen, my children, don't dare ignore,
The midnight actions of Bush and Gore
In early November, the year ought-ought,
Hard to believe the mess they wrought.
Two billion bucks of campaign bounty
All came down to Palm Beach County.
What result could have been horrider
Than the situation we found in Florider?

*Edgar Allen Poe is his usual gloomy self:*

Once upon a campaign dreary,
one which left us weak and weary
O'er many a quaint and curious promise of political lore,
While we nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly there came a yapping,
As of some votes overlapping, energy-zapping to the core
"'Tis a mess here," we all muttered,
as the network anchors stuttered,
Stuttered over Bush and Gore.
Could there be another election
with such a case of misdirection,
One with such a weak selection,
yet fraught with tension to the core?
Quoth the ravers, "Nevermore."

*Britain's Edward Lear's limerick is lighter:*

There once was a U.S. election
That called for some expert detection -
How thousands of pollers
Could become two-holers
Like outhouses of recollection.

*Ditto Ogden Nash:*

I regret to admit that all my knowledge
is what I learned at Electoral College,
So tell me please, though I hate to troubya,
Will the winner be Al, or will it be Dubya?

*Joyce Kilmer as a media analyst:*

I thought that I would never see
The networks all so up a tree.

*Walt Whitman is lyrical, as always:*

O' Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip's not done
The ship has weather'd every rack, but nobody knows who's won.

*Alfred Noyes rhythmically rumbles:*

And still of an autumn night they say, with the
White House on the line,
When the campaign's a ghostly galleon and both
candidates cry, "'Tis mine!"
When the road is a ribbon of ballots, all within easy reach,
A highwayman comes riding,
Riding, Riding,
A highwayman comes riding, and punches two holes in each.

*Dr. Seuss takes a look at election officials:*

I cannot count them in a box
I cannot count them with a fox
I cannot count them by computer
I will not with a Roto-Rooter
I cannot count them card-by-card
I will not 'cause it's way too hard
I cannot count them on my fingers
I will not while suspicion lingers.
I'll leave the country in a jam -
I can't count ballots, Sam-I-Am.

*Clement Moore adopts a holiday theme:*

'Twas the month before Christmas,
when all through the courts,
All the plaintiffs made stirring bad ballot reports.
Which leaves the problem:
Perhaps the best way to stop complaints that are
raucous
is start over again, with the Iowa caucus.


*Finally, I leave for you the most thought provoking of all:*

"It's not who votes that counts, but who counts the votes."
--- Josef Stalin
Powered By JFBConnect