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    Everything is Wonderful

    Everything is WonderfulMy face in the mirrorIsn't wrinkled or drawn.My house isn't…
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    Goodwill Offering

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    Birth Wharp

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    Although we had recently moved into a new neighborhood, our young son had already made…
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    The Toddler Diet

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    Dads and Babies

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    Late Night Studying

    My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend…
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    More One-liners

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    Testimony Night

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    Three Red Lights

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    Diamond Assumption

    An acquaintance of mine, whose daughter was about to be married, decided to give her a…
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    Memory School

    Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as they have done for the…
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    Low Watt Stories

    True Stories, by David Smith I went to McDonald's. I looked at the menu and saw that you…
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    Bilingual Parrot

    This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. He sees one on a perch with a red string…
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    Signs You Are In For A Long Sermon

    Top Ten Signs You Are In For A Long Sermon10. There's a case of bottled water beside the…

*Engineering Dictionary*

What the Engineer says (What it really means)

A number of different approaches are being tried.

(We are still grasping at straws.)

We're working on a fresh approach to the problem.

(We just hired three kids fresh out of college.)

Close project coordination.

(We know who to blame.)

Major technological break through.

(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)

Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.

(We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.

(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

Test results were extremely gratifying.

(We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.)

The entire concept will have to be abandoned.

(The only person who understood the thing quit.)

It is in process.

(It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.)

We'll look into it.

(Forget it! We have enough problems for now.)

Please read and initial.

(Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.)

Give us the benefit of your thoughts.

(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.)

Give us your interpretation.

(I can't wait to hear this!)

See me, or Let's Discuss.

(Come into my office, I'm lonely.)

All new!

(Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.)

Rugged (Too heavy to lift!)

Lightweight (Lighter than rugged.)

Years of development (One finally worked.)

Energy saving (Achieved when the power switch is off.)

Low maintenance (Impossible to fix if broken.)

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