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    Clumsy Ad Copy

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    Flower Request

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    Card Reader

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    Tips For The Clueless

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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.  Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely.  It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.  "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.  "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"


Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.  "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why?  Who's going to stop me?"
Joel asked.  Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?  They're hushers."


The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags.  She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.


After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"


Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch.  They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.  Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water." One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"


A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters.  She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."


A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like:
"We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.

At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.


A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor.
She told him she was writing a story.  "What's it about?"
he asked.  "I don't know," she replied.  "I can't read."


I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was.  She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued.  At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"


A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.  Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"


A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.  They were ready to discuss the last one.  The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.  Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife.

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