logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Excuses To Give When You Have Missed Work

man headphones~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Moose Hunters

    Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good…
  • Default Image

    Shaking Hands

    "Doctor, you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!" "Do you drink…
  • Default Image

    Robber Visit

    A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is…
  • Default Image

    Keeping Warm

    (switch this one around to suit your favourite/favorite make) Chevy has added wires to…
  • Default Image

    Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of It's Warranty

    - Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck…
  • Default Image

    Fixed Sign

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
  • Default Image

    Missing Church

    Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning, that they…
  • Default Image

    Driver's License Examiners

    While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau…
  • Default Image

    Plane Programming

    At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward…
  • Default Image

    Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left…
  • alligator

    Alternative Baptism

    As a young preacher, my small church had limited facilities, so we held baptisms in a…
  • cooking

    Martha's Way vs. My Way #2

    Martha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a…
  • Default Image

    Blind Date

    After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with…
  • Default Image

    Boat Compromise

    My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one…
  • golf tee

    Golf Stroke

    "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at…