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More Jokes

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    Back In Office

    When I became a licensed chiropractor, I moved back to my hometown and soon had a…
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    Overboard Rescue

    Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a beautiful young…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
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    Ravine Golfing

    One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.Ben sliced his ball deep into a…
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    Dangerous Criminal

    One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she…
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    Employee Reviews

    Here's some comments taken from employee reviews."Some drink from the fountain of…
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    Art Collector

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Sick Day

    Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a…
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    Wild Game

    I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a…
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    A Hi-Tech Litmus Test

    This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:Hold this paper close to…
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    Call to Principal

    The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school. "Hello, this is Dunn…
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    Pregnant Stamp

    A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first…
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    Signs the Childhood is Over

    Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore. Driving a car doesn't…
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    Parking Space Sign Language

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Moose Hunters

    Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good…

man headphones~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

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