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More Jokes

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    Bystander

    Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a…
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    Buying Shoes

    A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes."How do they feel?" asked…
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    Password Problems

    A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her…
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    Country Boys

    These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it…
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    Wheat Exports

    Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question:…
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    Bridge Trouble

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway when a sign comes up that reads "Low…
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    100GB bug

    Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the…
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    Before And After Falling In Love

    B - You take my breath awayA - I feel like I'm suffocating B - She says she loves the way…
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    Moose Hunters

    Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good…
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    Application

    An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you…
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    Pants Dilemma

    A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel…
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    NTSB Report on Flight 1549

    Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549. Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions…
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    Horse Batter

    On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a horse with him to add to…
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    Apples for Teachers

    There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high…
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    Vacation Ride

    While vacationing in Alberta, Canada, my husband and I went horseback riding. Before the…

man headphones~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

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