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    The Night of Tax Day

    Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the…
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    Better Preaching

    After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, "You were much better…
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    Proud Rooster

    A minister had just finished an excellent dinner at the home of a congregation member…
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    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor

    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor~ Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out,…
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    Applause

    A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a…
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    Bus Fare

    Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train…
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    Curbing Church Growth

    25 Easy Ways to Curb the Annoying Problem of Church Growth1. Begin your message with the…
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    Saved by the Tomato

    A story is told of an unemployed man who is desperate to support his family. His wife…
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    Talking Horse

    A jogger, running down a country road, is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come…
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    Golf Friendless

    "Bob, why don't you play golf with John anymore?" asked a friend."Would you play golf…
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    New Medical Technology

    A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
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    Ten Minute Wait

    I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped…
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man headphones~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

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