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  • hawaiian church

    Comments Never Heard at Church

    1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed…
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    Good Old Days

    Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in…
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    Teapot Computer

    The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a…
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    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller"…
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    Dictionary of Project Terms

    *Dictionary of Project Terms* Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen…
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    Interpreting Hotel Brochures

    Old world charm ............. No bathTropical .................... RainyMajestic setting…
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    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
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    Engine Trouble

    Many years ago before the days of cell phones and data, a friend, driving home from a…
  • gift pink

    Pearl Dream

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl…
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    Insufficient Brain Activity

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
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    Vacation Report

    Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She…
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    Poor Vagabond

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a…
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    Morning People

    I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake."Hi!" exclaimed my peppy…
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    Ships Passing

    A rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was…
  • sweep-set

    Internet Cleaning

    As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to…
Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in common is that they don't spell anything.

One day a patient came into my office for an ophthalmological exam.  I asked him to read the 20/40 line of the eye chart, but obviously the letters FZBDE were mostly a blur to him.  Finally he ventured a guess.

"I can't pronounce his name," the man said, "but I think he played football for Notre Dame."
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