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    Bathroom Sign

    Thanks to Norma K. Appel for sending today's CleanLaugh. Dear Pastor Tim, this is a true…
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    Family Records

    The following was overheard at a recent high society party..."My ancestry goes all the…
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    Altar Call

    A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the…
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    Kangaroo Fence

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high,…
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    Road Crew Signs

    While driving through South Carolina, I kept having to slow down for road repair crews.To…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
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    Yiddish Speak

    During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli…
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    Work Prayer

    Confiding in a co-worker, I told her about a problem in our office and my fear that I…
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    Misbehaving Phone Call

    Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.Two days…
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    Need a Pen?

    A patient at the dental office where I was a receptionist stopped by my desk to pay her…
  • police dog

    Police Dog Freeze

    A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff's department canine unit. One evening, the…
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    Political Correctness For Kids

    *Political Correctness For Kids*Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's…
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    Puppy Love

    For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up…
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    Goober Ring

    Passing an office building late one night, a Goober saw a sign that said, "Press bell for…
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    Are You a Policeman?

    A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover…

Day 752 - My captors continue to haunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...  must try this on their bed.

Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation: incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.

Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...  hmmm, must try this with their dog.

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