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    Scared Smart

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
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    Fed Up

    Long ago, on New York's lower east side, Mrs. Spinelli and Mrs. Goldberg were bragging as…
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    Golf Cheater

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
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    Rustic Dining

    As a trail guide in a national park, Danny ate with the rest of the seasonal staff in a…
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    Minivan Tow

    A man was driving down the highway late one night when his mini-van broke down. He turned…
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    Doctor in the House

    A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in…
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    Golf Comeback

    (This joke is based on an actual event which is a part of golf lore around the world). A…
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    Serious Shopper

    I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just…
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    Everything is Wonderful

    Everything is WonderfulMy face in the mirrorIsn't wrinkled or drawn.My house isn't…
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    Strange Exam Answers

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in…
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    First Day

    Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had…
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    Milkman Notes

    These notes left for milkmen came from the UK, so you'll notice a slight, endearing…
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    Blockbuster Surprise

    Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster. When…
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    Maid Mother

    For all their lives, my three sons have been told they have to do their chores around the…
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    Lawyer Questioning

    There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came…

Day 752 - My captors continue to haunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...  must try this on their bed.

Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation: incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.

Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...  hmmm, must try this with their dog.

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