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  • church people

    Signs Your Church has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors

    - Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements. - In Christmas play, Joseph seen…
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    Dayvorce

    A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.The attorney…
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    Parachute Training

    While attending US Army's Airborne School.....The Day before our first jump, the…
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    Laws of Parenthood

    There is the Law of Gravity - And then, there is the Law of ParenthoodA child's behavior…
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    True Calls to the IRS

    True Calls to the IRSCaller: I want to know if I should file married or single.IRS: Are…
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    More One-liners

    I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness…
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    Red Light - Green Light

    Ralph and his friend were driving through town when they came to a red light. Cruising…
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    Coffee Choices

    In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to…
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    The Foot Rule

    There is a formula for figuring out how bed space is allocated. It is called the "Foot…
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    Captain Discipline

    About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a…
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    Wedding Speech

    Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the…
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    Safe Keeping

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    Potato Problem

    Upon going away to college, my former brother-in-law received a hand mixer from his…
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    This Town is so Small...

    This town is so small . . .- The City Jail is called amoeba, because it only has one…

Day 752 - My captors continue to haunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...  must try this on their bed.

Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation: incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.

Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...  hmmm, must try this with their dog.

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