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    The Points System

    For all of us guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of…
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    How to Bathe a Cat

    1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet…
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    Curfew

    This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m.…
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    Street Name

    "I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the…
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    Encyclopaedia Set for Sale

    FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.Excellent Condition.$1200 or…
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    Wrong Guard

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
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    Looking Funny

    According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money…
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    In Both Ears

    "It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but…
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    Pet Hotline

    The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The…
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    Pick a Hymn

    One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and…
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    Quick Thinking Clerk

    There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could…
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    One Parachute

    You are one of "two" people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How…
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    Caught on the Job

    The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 A.M. He did his best for a while, but at…
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    Airport Security

    Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to…
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    Faithful Service Gift

    I recall a story my father used to tell about a pastor who had been at a church for 20…

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs.  She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You...  Mess It Up.

Better Be Safe Than...  Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The...  Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before...  Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of...  Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But..  How?

Don't Bite The Hand That...  Looks Dirty.

No News Is...  Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A...  Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New...  Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll...  Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust..  Me The Pen Is Mightier Than The...  Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is...  The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There's...  Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who...  Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is...  Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's...  The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What...  You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And...  You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As...  Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not...  Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed...  Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You...  See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind...  Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like...  Aunt Eddie.

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