logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Almost Redialed

    I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and…
  • Default Image

    Better Trainer

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
  • money

    Poor Widow

    A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at…
  • burns and benny

    Burns and Benny

    Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers working their…
  • Default Image

    Sermon Overtime

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
  • beard and_necktie

    Interview Excerpts

    The following, allegedly, are actual post-interview excerpts collected from middle…
  • a picture of newspapers

    Headlines from 2050

    *Headlines from 2050* Florida to Be Re-admitted to Union Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten…
  • picture of an ice cream cone

    Celebrating The Raise

    My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous…
  • Default Image

    Advertising Terms Explained

    *Advertising Terms Explained*NEW - Different color from previous design.ALL NEW - Parts…
  • Default Image

    Top Ten Gift Comments

    What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don't Like*.10. "Well, well, well, now,…
  • Default Image

    Grandpa's Day Out

    Grandpa's Day Out A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa…
  • Default Image

    Maturity Under Attack

    We Must Stop This!! Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything…
  • Default Image

    You Know You Are a Geek When

    You know you are a geek when . . .You look at a movie trailer and think, "I have that…
  • horses

    English Verses Western

    My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses…
  • Default Image

    Jogging Time

    A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He…

couple argue1.  What are you thinking about?
2.  Do you love me?
3.  Do I look fat?
4.  Do you think she is prettier than me?
5.  What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly.  Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.  I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
A.  Baseball.
B.  Football.
C.  Curling.
D.  Golf.
E.  How I would spend the insurance money if you died.  (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by a TV sitcom, where the husband told his wife, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear!"
Inappropriate responses include:
A.  I suppose so.
B.  Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
C.  That depends on what you mean by love.
D.  Does it matter?
E.  Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
A.  Compared to what?
B.  I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
C.  A little extra weight looks good on you.
D.  I've seen fatter.
E.  Could you repeat the question?  I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
A.  Yes, but you have a better personality. 
B.  Not prettier, but definitely thinner. 
C.  Not as pretty as you when you were her age. 
D.  Define pretty. 
E.  Could you repeat the question?  I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.  (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
W: Why not, don't you like being married?
M: Of course I do.
W: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
M: Okay, I'd get married again.
W: You would?  (with a hurtful look on her face)
M: Yes, I would.
W: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
M: Where else would we sleep?
W: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
M: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
W: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
M: Of course not, Dear.  She's left-handed.

Powered By JFBConnect