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More Jokes

Each year, Chicago Center saves the top 20 excerpts from conversations between airline pilots and controllers...here's the top 20 from one year, taken right off the actual tapes.

"Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?"
"N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here"

"American 220...eenie, meenie, miney, moe...how do you hear my radio?"

"Air Wisconsin 335, caution wake turbulence...there is an Air Wisconsin 345 on the frequency."

"I don't mind altitude separation as long as they're not on top of each other."

"We were told runway 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate."
"Captain, you got 6 miles to take it out...have a ball!"

"The traffic at nine o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Rondstadt on you."
"Linda Rondstadt?!?  What's that????"
"Well sir....they're gonna 'Blue Bayou'!"

I can see the country club down below...looks like alot of controllers out there."
"Yes sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you!"

"Northwest 07K...you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes...you're cleared for the ILS approach, call tower."

"Amtram 726, sorry 'bout that...Center thought you were a Midway arrival...just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies and we'll get you to Milwaukee."

"Approach, what's our sequence?"
"Calling for sequence, I missed your callsign...but if I find out what it is, you're last"

"Sure you can have 8 miles behind the heavy, but there'll be United Tri-jet between you and him."

"Approach, Southwest 436...you want US to turn right to 090???"
"No, I want your brother to turn...just do it and don't argue!"

"Approach, United 525...what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
"United 525...what makes you think it's your altitude?!?"

"Delta 1176, say speed"
"Approach, we slowed to 220"
"Delta 1176, pick it back up to 250...this ain't Atlanta and those ain't grits on the ground."

"Request runway 27 right."
"Unable."
"Approach...do you know that the wind at 6,000 ft is 270 at 50?"
"Yeah I do...and if we could jack the airport up to 5,500 ft, you could have that runway...expect 14 right."

"Air Force 45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

"The first officer's says he has you in sight"
"Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27...YOU continue on that 180 heading and descend down to 3,000 ft."

"Hey O'Hare...you see that 7600 code flashing 5 miles NW of Gary?"
"Yeah I do...you guys talking to him?"

"Approach, what's the tower?"
"A big tall building with glass all around it..."

"How far behind traffic are we?"
"3 miles."
"That doesn't look like 3 miles to us!"
"Well, you're a mile and a half from him and he's a mile and a half from you, so that's 3 miles!"
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