logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Millionaire's Driver

    Millionaire: What's your name, driver? Driver: Alfred, sir. Millionaire: I always call my…
  • Default Image

    Dryer Message

    As a lobbyist in Washington, DC, I'd just finished up a meeting with a Congressman when I…
  • Default Image

    No Ears, One Question

    Jack Summers is a constructor at a building site. One day on the site there is a massive…
  • Default Image

    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
  • Default Image

    Skinny Lumberjack

    A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a…
  • Default Image

    Indiana Rainstorm

    After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a…
  • Default Image

    Y2K Backup System

    While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our…
  • Picture of Hong Kong Skyline

    English Subtitles

    The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong. * I am darn…
  • Default Image

    Because I Am A Guy

    Because I am A Guy... ..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I…
  • Default Image

    Finished Chores

    My parents are both busy professional people and have trouble finding time for chores and…
  • Default Image

    Hospital Forms

    In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others…
  • Default Image

    Love Campaign

    The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite…
  • shopping

    Color Blind

    Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted…
  • Default Image

    A Touch of Home

    Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home…
  • olive oil

    Oily Hair

    Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it.…

THE GAG TEST:
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS:
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS:
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt.  Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.  Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese.  Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.  Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE:
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS:
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES:
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries.  Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT:
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three- block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

BREAD:
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.  Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR:
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

SALT:
It never spoils.

LETTUCE:
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.  Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

CANNED GOODS:
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of.  Carefully.

CARROTS:
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS:
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES:
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP:
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

EMPTY CONTAINERS:
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.

UNMARKED ITEMS:
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food.  Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.  Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

Powered By JFBConnect