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    Y zero K

    Message from: RomeJanuary 18, 1 BC Dear Cassius, Are you still working on the Y zero K…
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    Ad Woes

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    Come About

    A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a…
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    Parting Words

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  • motel sign

    Economy Motel

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    The Rules of Bureaucracy

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  • pharmacist

    Food Allergy

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    Car Cow Sale

    A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a…
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    Tournament Weather`

    Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was…
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    Cheap Perfume

    After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little…
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    Think She'll Die?

    One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered…
  • Queen Elizabeth with Gun

    Revocation of Independence

    Remember when the US election took so long to decide back in November of 2000? Here's a…
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    No Contraband

    After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…
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    Take Out For Lunch

    Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to…

*Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care*

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry--the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions.

Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

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