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More Jokes

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    Coast Guard Keeping

    My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband…
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    Car Alarms

    I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What…
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    Art Collector

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Beauty Watch

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.…
  • Last Minute Turkey

    Last Minute Turkey

    It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on…
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    Red Light - Green Light

    Ralph and his friend were driving through town when they came to a red light. Cruising…
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    Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left…
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    Chair Test

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
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    Goober Crossing

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Materialistic Or What?

    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to…
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    Mom's Clarinet

    My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was…
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    Insurance Check and Double Take

    Fire swept the plains and burned down the farmer’s barn. While he surveyed the wreckage,…
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    Jury Duty Prejudice

    A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He…
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    Let Us Know

    The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:"Here's a good test…
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    Looking For Barney

    A four year old was at the paediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her…

*Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care*

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry--the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions.

Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

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