logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

From British Newspapers

newspaper1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

- The Daily Telegraph

2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

- The Guardian

3) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common."

- The Times

4) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of the war in1945. As she recalled to the crowd, "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelled out "Heil Hitler."

- Bournemouth Evening Echo

5) At the height of the gale, the harbormaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

- Aberdeen Evening Express

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Small Town Check

    I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the…
  • Default Image

    More Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
  • Default Image

    Run Through the Woods

    Two campers, both in the 60s are walking through the woods. A huge brown bear suddenly…
  • couple elderly

    Division of Labor

    The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was…
  • Default Image

    Suitor Approval

    A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date,…
  • Default Image

    Out of Gas Advice

    After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it…
  • Default Image

    For Sale Sign

    A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming…
  • Default Image

    Sponge Mistake

    In the doctors office two patients are talking."You know, I had an appendectomy last…
  • university building

    Chair Philosophy

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
  • Default Image

    Stolen Turkey

    Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I…
  • baby in white

    Baby Wrap

    Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their…
  • Default Image

    Visiting List

    A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the…
  • lawn ornament mis-hap

    Apology

    A customer at the counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two…
  • Default Image

    Glass Honesty

    As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses."I really only need…
  • Default Image