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More Jokes

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    Tap Away

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…
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    Visiting Oxford

    An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don…
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    Who's The Expert?

    On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars…
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    Help Line

    It's clear why these people needed to call a "help" line.------Customer: "I've been…
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    Analytical Gunfighters

    Two analytical chemists in the Wild West are on the town's main street, ready to draw…
  • new years_eve_white_hat

    Newlywed Compromise

    For our first New Year's together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of…
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    Sweater Gifts

    Although we had recently moved into a new neighborhood, our young son had already made…
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    Mother And Child

    A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly…
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    NTSB Report on Flight 1549

    Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549. Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions…
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    Grandpa And The Computer

    *Grandpa And The Computer*The computer swallowed GrandpaYes honestly, its true.He pressed…
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    10 Questions

    Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who…
  • fire station

    Fire Test

    Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall. Before each…
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    Food Allergy

    Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was…
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    Materialistic Or What?

    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to…
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    Arizona Rain

    A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?" A rancher quickly answered, "Yes,…

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi.  I am probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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