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More Jokes

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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    Mistakes

    If a barber makes a mistake,It's a new style... If a driver makes a mistake,It is an…
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    Hearing Test

    A man goes to his doctor and says "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used…
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    Audi Alteram Parten

    During a Law course class, the 'Audi Alteram Parten' rule was explained. Translated it…
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    Mother Ring

    While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was…
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    Boring Flight

    Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar leaned over and woke up the sleeping man…
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    Car Warning

    A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his…
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    Excerpts from A Dog's Diary

    Excerpts from A Dog's Diary:Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am…
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    Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

    Ladle Rat Rotten Hut Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder…
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    Reasons You Should Buy a New Car

    Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of…
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    Captain Comeback

    I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes…
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    Hawaii Pronunciation

    Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument. "It's…
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    Rest Home Trial

    Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on…
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    Dignified Exit

    One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed…
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    Wireless Security

    How to install a wireless security system:Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's…

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi.  I am probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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