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More Jokes

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    How's My Driving?

    I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son's driving and take advantage of it.I got…
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    Notice

    PLEASE NOTICE:You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice.…
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    Sponge Mistake

    In the doctors office two patients are talking."You know, I had an appendectomy last…
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    Really Impressed

    As a psychologist, my first job was working in a small clinic. One of my patients was a…
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    Tree Faller

    While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X-rays of a…
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    Enlisting Choices

    "Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army.""Baby," I…
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    Hacker Safety

    The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.He tried three times to…
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    Parts is Parts

    A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the…
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    Bulletin Humor

    I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than the ones that these occurred in.…
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    Collateral

    I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a…
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    Freshman's Blind Date

    "How was your blind date?" a freshman college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the…
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    Sister Cheer Up

    My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening…
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    Kids and Cliches

    I teach fourth grade in Ventura County, California. As a fun assignment, I gave the…
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    Ready, Set, Go

    Two campers, Chris and Michael, are awakened by the sounds of an obviously large bear…
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    Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies

    1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to…

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi.  I am probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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