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More Jokes

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    Ironic Call

    One day an employee came into work with both of his ears bandaged. His boss asked him…
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    Sermon Overtime

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
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    Poor Widow

    A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at…
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    Mr. Jones Is History

    Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from…
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    Wake Up Call

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke…
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    Lingering Hug

    We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight…
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    Goober Marksman

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Doctor's Orders

    Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous…
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    Help Desk

    A man who worked the help desk for a large company received a call one day from a…
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    Listening In

    A long time ago, before the days of cell phones, I needed to call home, and the only pay…
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    How Cold is it?

    An annotated thermometer: (degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius) +50 / +10* New York tenants…
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    Barbecue Forks

    As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long…
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    Miracle Return

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the…
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    Invitation

    Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her…
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    Minivan Tow

    A man was driving down the highway late one night when his mini-van broke down. He turned…

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi.  I am probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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