More Jokes

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    Great Writing

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great…
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    Name Confusion

    Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed…
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    Clerk Problem

    In a department store, Sandra and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting…
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    Learned From a Snowman

    "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " --It's okay if you're a…
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    Family Records

    The following was overheard at a recent high society party..."My ancestry goes all the…
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    Prescription Change

    An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you…
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    Pet Names

    Bernie was invited to his ageing friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded…
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    Marriage Wakeup

    As Barb was getting to know David and his family, she was very impressed by how much his…
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    Dog Stop

    Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a…
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    Searching For Witnesses

    The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a…
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    Surprise Gift

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
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    I Want To Be A Bear

    I want to be a bear...... If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but…
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    Worst Horse Ever

    A jockey is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The…
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    Change Reply

    Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw…
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    Patriotic Father

    On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father…

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi.  I am probably home.  I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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