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    104 Year Best

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing…
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    Four Waiting Fathers

    Four expectant fathers were in a Minnesota hospital waiting room while their wives were…
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    Divider Return

    I was checking out at the local Albertsons with just a few items and the lady behind me…
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    No Stairs

    An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the…
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    Rose Plague

    An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to…
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    Passing Notes

    An elderly couple are attending a church service. About halfway through, she writes a…
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    Truck-Stop Harassment

    A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.…
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    14 Letters

    Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence…
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    Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

    "Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do…
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    Compliments to the Chef

    I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I worked particularly…
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    Dear Abby, Dear Reader

    Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much on me I'm not even sure…
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    "Not" Working

    Dear Secretary of Agriculture, My friends, Darryl and Janice, over at Jonestown,…
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    GOLF, n.

    [1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad…
  • Dog New Year's Resolutions

    Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

    I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging…
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    Emergency Flowers

    I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was…
Funny Police Quotes

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going.  I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning!  You want a warning?  O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
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