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More Jokes

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    Never Be Late

    A local priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A…
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    Facilities Memo

    My colleagues and I recently received this email from the facilities department:"Due to…
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    Impressions

    A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the…
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    Rifle Tech Support

    It was decided at Microsoft, during a brilliant brainstorming session, that military…
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    Teapot Computer

    The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a…
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    Doody Solution

    A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in…
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    Perspective

    An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the…
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    Whispering In Church

    A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I…
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    Bar Room Houdini

    A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance"…
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    Helping Mom

    A little while after my mother was widowed, it became apparent that she was unable to…
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    Someone At The Door

    A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to…
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    Collateral

    I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a…
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    Punishment Withheld

    Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also…
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    Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
Funny Police Quotes

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going.  I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning!  You want a warning?  O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
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