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    Chewed Out Answer

    A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he…
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    Martha's Way vs My Way

    Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent…
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    More Dog Quotes

    "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise" -Unknown "In dog years, I'm…
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    Goober Line Painter

    A goober who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was…
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    Votive Candles

    Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children…
  • baseball

    Fly Catch

    My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los Angeles Dodgers…
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    Thunderstorm Plea

    An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the…
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    Gnashing of Teeth

    A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course,…
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    Forgive Your Enemies

    The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a…
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    Super Dress

    Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife…
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    Playing House

    A boy of three and a girl of four, were playing house one day. They played that they were…
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    How High Can You Go?

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty…
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    Official ID Card

    My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange tour with the Royal Navy in…
  • A funny clean joke about a dog and a truck and a parking lot.

    Dog Driver

    As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind…
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    Environmental Problem

    This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of Environmental…

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car
he sticks his head out the window.
- Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
- George Carlin

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
- Carol Leifer

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
- Roger Simon

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
- Johnny Carson

I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country.
Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache.
- Jack Mayberry

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how
long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
- Elayne Boosler

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- John Mendoza

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
- Jeff Stilson

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh
no....I could be eating a slow learner.
- Lynda Montgomery

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