More Jokes

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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #1

    Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.As a computer, I find your faith in technology…
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    Doctor Visit

    A guy walks into a Doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle out…
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    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
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    An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me…
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    Goobers With Shovels

    There were two guys working for the city. One would did a hole, he would dig, dig, dig,…
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    Goober On The Net

    A goober went to his mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to…
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    Money can buy a house, but not a home.Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.Money can buy a…
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    Hiccup Cure

    A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out,…
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    Calls to Information Assistance

    Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.Operator: I'm…
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    Brotherly Chores

    Drew and Timmy were brothers. One day Mom and Dad had to go into town. Dad told Drew,…
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    Sunday Service

    A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the…
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    Dog House Rules Progression

    1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built…
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    Yes, We Have No Chocolate

    A man goes into an ice cream parlor and says, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice…
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    Football Newbie

    A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked…
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    ID Card

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a…

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car
he sticks his head out the window.
- Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
- George Carlin

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
- Carol Leifer

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
- Roger Simon

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
- Johnny Carson

I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country.
Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache.
- Jack Mayberry

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how
long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
- Elayne Boosler

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- John Mendoza

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
- Jeff Stilson

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh
no....I could be eating a slow learner.
- Lynda Montgomery

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