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General Motors Help Line

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did....

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Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Help Line: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

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Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh?  How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'.  What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What?  I paid $12,000 for this car!  Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

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Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars are horrible!"
Help Line: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
Help Line: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor.  It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!
Help Line: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"

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Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
Help Line: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person.  I just want to go places in my car!"

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