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More Jokes

  • power workers

    Checking Out

    I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just…
  • bagel

    Bagel Storm

    It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets…
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    Two Plus Two

    A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer…
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    Cruising

    These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.1. (For this one, you have…
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    New Russian

    I just returned from a mission trip in Belarus, where we were building churches. My…
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    Thoughts on Golfing

    A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can…
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    Chemistry Stir

    This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to…
  • snowman

    Learning From Snowmen

    "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " It's okay if you're a…
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    Odd News Reports

    Odd News Reports.....*"The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and…
  • picture of a thanksgiving turkey

    Turkey Size

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one…
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    Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

    Ladle Rat Rotten Hut Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder…
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    Eye Test

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the…
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    The Toddler Diet

    Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that…
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    Married Witness

    An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered at him,…

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

  • I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
  • When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
  • When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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