More Jokes

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    Watergate Bug

    A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel.The new bride is concerned and asked, "What…
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    Fruit Cake Top Ten

    Top Ten Uses for Fruit Cake10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.9. Use…
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    Parking Lot Speed Limit

    Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly…
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    20 Minutes of Eternity

    The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his…
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    Radiator Cap Repair

    I remember an old car I used to own. You know the kind, ratty and raggedy, driven when I…
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    Vacuum Manure

    A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a…
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    Meet the Parents

    A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my…
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    You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When…

    You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When...You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when…
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    When I Was Your Age

    A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one…
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    Chocolate Laughs

    Over the years, people have come up with a number of great reasons to eat chocolate. The…
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    No Hero of Mine

    "King David used to be a hero of mine, but not anymore," little Brodie told his mother…
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    Corporate America in the 90's

    You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if: - You've sat at the same desk for…
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    Gym Oops

    New to the United States, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a…
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    Cute Baby

    When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor…
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    Technical Terms for the Strictly Amish

    Log on: making a wood stove hotterLog off: don't add no more woodMonitor: keeping an eye…

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

  • I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
  • When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
  • When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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