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More Jokes

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    Cookie Calories

    A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In…
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    Drum Sounds

    A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty…
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    Remember When

    An old couple is sitting in their living room when the old woman leans over and says to…
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    Magnet Comeback

    My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One…
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    Live to 100

    When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of…
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    Student Driver

    As an instructor in driver education at Unionville-Sebewaing Area High School in…
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    Good News Dewey

    Olga phoned her husband, Dewey, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said Dewey, "but…
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    Forbidden Words

    An English professor announced to the class, "There are two words I don't allow in my…
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    Tailing Truck

    A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck…
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    Return Policy

    The store's policy on returns was prominently posted at every register as well as…
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    New and Approved

    The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story.…
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    Fuel Trudge

    After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it…
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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
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    Meet Me For Lunch

    The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining…
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    Tight Shoes

    A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the…

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

  • I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
  • When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
  • When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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