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More Jokes

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    Inventions That Didn't Succeed

    The waterproof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlights Submarine…
  • Dog New Year's Resolutions

    Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

    I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging…
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    Enemies in the West

    A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting."How are we…
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    Golden Bear Answer

    A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name…
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    New Pet

    A man was driving down a country road when he saw a baby pig along side the road. He…
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    Rabbi Sneak

    There was this rabbi in a small town, and he was really curious about why so many people…
  • birthday2

    Jury Age

    Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice.…
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    For Charlotte

    A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is…
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    Ugly Suit

    When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but…
  • parrot

    Auction Parrot

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this…
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    Walk-in Scream

    A woman went to a walk-in clinic, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about…
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    Waiting at the Door

    I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me.…
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    FROLIC Memo

    To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season…
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    Five Kinds of Fruit

    In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They…
  • chef bad

    You Know You Are a Bad Cook When…

    - You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. - You consider it a culinary success if the…

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

  • I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
  • When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
  • When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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