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    I Think Not

    I do not think -- therefore I am not.Here is the illustration of this principle:One…
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    Bank Arrangements

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    Proud Rooster

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    Marry An Actor

    An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand…
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    Hunting Pairs

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one…
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    Transcribing Confusion

    We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came…
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    Cute Nurses

    My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient.…
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    Guard Dog Karate

    A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed,…
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    Golf Discovery

    A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with…
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    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…
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    Run Through the Woods

    Two campers, both in the 60s are walking through the woods. A huge brown bear suddenly…
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    Shaving Comeback

    I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was…
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    Boat Rental

    A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost…
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    Needle Manners

    While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving…
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    Get-Well Gift

    My wife coordinates get-well gifts for our church members who are in the hospital.…
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
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