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    Toucan Yell

    Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird flying overhead. The…
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    In A Few Moments

    So far today, Lord, I've done all right; I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper,…
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    Cheap Perfume

    After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little…
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    Needle Manners

    While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving…
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    Modern Tool Reality

    Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern…
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    School Curlers

    ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked…
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    Shopkeeper's Competition

    The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next…
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    Rodentially Clean

    Johnny, age 5, was being taught to be neat and clean and to pick up after himself. One…
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    Insurance Reflection

    Bill's barn burned down, and his wife Polly called the insurance company.Polly told the…
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    Senior "Favorite Things"

    There are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP (The American…
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    Spelling Information

    "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.""Would you spell that,…
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    Waiting at the Door

    I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me.…
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    General Motors Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because…
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    Bank Hiccups

    While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By…
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    Glacier Work

    A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all…
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
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