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    Immigrations Card

    Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of those…
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    Interpreting Hotel Brochures

    Old world charm ............. No bathTropical .................... RainyMajestic setting…
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    Real Newspaper Ads

    These are real ads from a newspaper. 1. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850 or best offer 2.…
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    Wedding Report

    "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife."Just fine until I asked the bride if…
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    Cub Reporter Miss

    Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of…
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    Dressing The Kids

    The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right…
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    Engine Failure

    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced,…
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    Record Store

    A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home…
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    Jack's Will

    Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's last will…
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    10 Puns

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it…
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    Why Ask Why

    *Why Ask Why*Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and…
  • pictures of solar eclipse

    Eclipse Memos

    Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse…
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    Pitching Control

    A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk…
  • A joke about two hunters lost in the forest.

    Lost Goober Hunters

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. My uncle Joe and…
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    Scale Pondering

    Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department…
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes?
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia.
Will you let her in?

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia?  Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia?

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two?

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why bother?  Use your fingers like the rest of us...

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No.  Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia?
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Yes.  At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: There are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Some people have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.  It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross.  Can you help?

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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