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    Movie Impatience

    We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it…
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    Doctor News

    The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad…
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    Chocolate Calories

    A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a…
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    Proper Attire

    Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that…
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    Long Living

    A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the…
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    No Horns

    The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that…
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    Rolls-Royce Loaner

    When I arrived at a friend's home for a party, my old rattletrap looked pretty shabby…
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    Deacon's Minutes

    The newly elected secretary for the Deacon Board at church submitted this report:October…
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    Finch Flush

    When my youngest son was three years old, one of his finches died. It was winter so we…
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    Clinton Deploys Vowels

    This cleanlaugh is a classic - originally out in 1996. WORLD NEWS: CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    Leak Repair

    My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending…
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    Resume Examples

    These are real examples from real resumes:*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*- Responsibility…
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    Punishment

    An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me…
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    Gift Mug

    I had to go on a business trip the day after my honeymoon, so I decided to purchase a…
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes?
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia.
Will you let her in?

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia?  Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia?

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two?

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why bother?  Use your fingers like the rest of us...

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No.  Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia?
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Yes.  At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: There are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Some people have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.  It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross.  Can you help?

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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