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    Tongue and Eggs

    A fellow went into a restaurant and asked, 'What's the special of the day?' The waiter…
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    Turtle Ears

    Tradition here in the office is to keep a notepad with the punch lines from the various…
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    Excerpts from Pet Diaries

    From the Dog.Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A…
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    Colorful Grandma

    I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I…
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    Goober Celebration

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    World's Easiest Test

    Here is the world's easiest test. You should be able to get 100% on this one. 1. How long…
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    Magnet Comeback

    My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One…
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    Lost Pigs

    Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered…
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    Resurrection Update

    A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was…
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    Eclipse Memos

    Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse…
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    Caddy Advice

    Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy,…
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    Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

    "Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do…
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    "If It" Office Advice

    If it rings, answer it. Talk kindly. If it clanks, call the repairman. If it whistles,…
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    Pay Mistakes

    One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything…
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    Gore Flubs

    We've all flubbed things we were trying to say - here are some flubs attributed to Al…

I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes from *your* account!
Sharon Grubb

I don't care how much you and your cat love each other, if you were one inch smaller than the sweet little kitty, he'd eat you in a heartbeat.
Tom Gard

I'm really glad the guy who invented the Ray Gun was named Ray. Being shot with a Fred gun just wouldn't sound as cool.
Bob Neanover

If you sat a million monkeys down at a million computers, they might just fix this Y2K problem...oh wait, we're already doing that.
Darrell Hulshult

I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching. That really freaks me out, you know?
Pam Stewart

My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working.
Fred Marcum

I'd always wondered what it would be like to live on the sun, until my mother-in-law suggested that pressing my face against a hot frying pan might give me an idea. Trust me, you *don't* want to move there.
Ted Moran

Why are aliens always portrayed as evil in movies? How do we know that there isn't an alien out there just waiting to share the recipe for "The Universe's Best Waffle Mix?"
Kevin Peck

Light sabers don't kill people. Jedis kill people.
Jim Clark

I'll bet the first convenience stores were nothing more than caves where you could buy sticks and rocks and microwave burritos.
Art Bugsch

Word to the Empire: The Death Star is impressive, but just be sure your maps are current.
Mike Weinhold

They say if you build a better mouse trap, the world will beat down your door. But usually, it's just one neighbor, and he'll probably quit once you stop throwing dead mice in his yard.
Don Giuliano

If I had to choose one incident that sparked my love, study, and eventual career in astronomy, it would be the first time I saw a picture of that planet-you know, the one with those neat space-rings around it.
Steve Patt

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