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More Jokes

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    Babysitting Reference

    We encouraged our 18-year-old daughter to find a job to help pay for her college…
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    Unwritten Warning Labels

    *Unwritten Warning Labels*On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive…
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    Exercise Routine

    Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Withheld Pay

    After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a…
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    Professionalism Test

    Read this out loud:This is this catThis is is catThis is how catThis is to catThis is…
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    English Verses Western

    My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses…
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    Dun in Texas

    A cowboy (named Julius?) rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.…
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    Minivan Tow

    A man was driving down the highway late one night when his mini-van broke down. He turned…
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    Engine Trouble

    Many years ago before the days of cell phones and data, a friend, driving home from a…
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    Civil War Re-enactment

    Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the re-enactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's…
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    Rejection Rejection

    Have you ever had a resume rejected? Don't ever let it happen again. The next time that…
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    What He Says - What He Means

    What He Says - What He Means"I'm going fishing."Really means: "I'm going to stand by a…
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    Planting Time

    A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some…
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    Lengthy Discourse

    A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point…
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    Will She Say Yes?

    An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and…

I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes from *your* account!
Sharon Grubb

I don't care how much you and your cat love each other, if you were one inch smaller than the sweet little kitty, he'd eat you in a heartbeat.
Tom Gard

I'm really glad the guy who invented the Ray Gun was named Ray. Being shot with a Fred gun just wouldn't sound as cool.
Bob Neanover

If you sat a million monkeys down at a million computers, they might just fix this Y2K problem...oh wait, we're already doing that.
Darrell Hulshult

I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching. That really freaks me out, you know?
Pam Stewart

My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working.
Fred Marcum

I'd always wondered what it would be like to live on the sun, until my mother-in-law suggested that pressing my face against a hot frying pan might give me an idea. Trust me, you *don't* want to move there.
Ted Moran

Why are aliens always portrayed as evil in movies? How do we know that there isn't an alien out there just waiting to share the recipe for "The Universe's Best Waffle Mix?"
Kevin Peck

Light sabers don't kill people. Jedis kill people.
Jim Clark

I'll bet the first convenience stores were nothing more than caves where you could buy sticks and rocks and microwave burritos.
Art Bugsch

Word to the Empire: The Death Star is impressive, but just be sure your maps are current.
Mike Weinhold

They say if you build a better mouse trap, the world will beat down your door. But usually, it's just one neighbor, and he'll probably quit once you stop throwing dead mice in his yard.
Don Giuliano

If I had to choose one incident that sparked my love, study, and eventual career in astronomy, it would be the first time I saw a picture of that planet-you know, the one with those neat space-rings around it.
Steve Patt

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