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  • snails

    Turtle Accident

    Two snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, "Do you guys…
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    60's Fans

    Fans of '60's music, my 14-year-old daughter and her best friend got front-row tickets to…
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    Let Me Feel Your Pain

    It can buy a house but not a home. It can buy a bed, but not sleep. It can buy a clock…
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    Procrastinator's Creed

    1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall…
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    Last Name Lineup

    On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having…
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    Wake Up Call

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke…
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    You Know You've Been Out of College Too Long When:

    You Know You've Been Out of College Too Long When:* Your potted plants stay alive.* 6:00…
  • teapot

    Tea For Two

    Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed…
  • picture of a thanksgiving turkey

    Turkey Size

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one…
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    If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very…
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    Tired Son

    A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back…
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    More Newspaper Bloopers

    Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on "Destructive Pests". A…
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    Young Guy's "BG"

    At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and…
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    Marriage Proposal

    Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor…
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    Quips to Ponder

    If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving! My…

child harmonica"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got."

"That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said.

"My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

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