logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Heat Wave Humor

Nothing personal against Texans - change it to any place that is hot.

"It's So Hot In Texas That......"

*The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

*The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

*Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

*The cows are giving evaporated milk.

*The trees are whistling for the dogs.

*A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."

*A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, we got about two and a half inches of that."

-------------------------------------------------- "You Know You're In Texas When..."

*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

*You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

*You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

*You can make instant sun tea.

*You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

*The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

*You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

*You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

*You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

*Hot water now comes out of both taps.

*It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

*You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

*You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

*No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

*Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

*You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • picture of elderly couple

    Sharing

    Uncle Sid and Aunt Sadie are in their eighties and have been married for more than sixty…
  • Default Image

    More Musings

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged…
  • Default Image

    Johnny's Dust

    After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away.…
  • Default Image

    Namesake Care

    While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier…
  • sweep-set

    Internet Cleaning

    As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to…
  • Default Image

    New Employee Travel Policy

    Due to the budget constraints, the following policies are announced regarding employees…
  • Default Image

    Dalmation Role

    A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a…
  • Default Image

    Dads and Babies

    My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom,"…
  • Default Image

    Senior Ailments

    A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are…
  • Default Image

    Chinese Knitting

    Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Peyton Manning is to football. She designed…
  • Default Image

    Fly Bye

    A woman walked into her house to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.…
  • soccer-ball-and-net

    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer*

    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer* 1. Well, it's…
  • picture of old lady

    Granny's Visit

    Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug.…
  • Hudson river_plane

    NTSB Report on Flight 1549

    Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549. Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions…
  • Default Image

    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go…