logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Heat Wave Humor

Nothing personal against Texans - change it to any place that is hot.

"It's So Hot In Texas That......"

*The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

*The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

*Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

*The cows are giving evaporated milk.

*The trees are whistling for the dogs.

*A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."

*A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, we got about two and a half inches of that."

-------------------------------------------------- "You Know You're In Texas When..."

*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

*You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

*You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

*You can make instant sun tea.

*You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

*The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

*You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

*You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

*You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

*Hot water now comes out of both taps.

*It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

*You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

*You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

*No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

*Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

*You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Hiccup Cure

    A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out,…
  • knitting

    Senior "Favorite Things"

    There are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP (The American…
  • deer

    Deer Prayer

    The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The…
  • Default Image

    Poor Vagabond

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a…
  • Default Image

    Tennis Take On

    A manager has to take on some sport by his doctor so he decides to play tennis. After a…
  • Default Image

    Swallowed a Coin

    The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and his mother ran out in…
  • Default Image

    Politically Correct Football

    The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes…
  • Default Image

    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
  • Default Image

    Leaky Roof

    Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a…
  • Default Image

    Happy Birthday Line

    Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan,…
  • Default Image

    Goober Travel Times

    A Goober gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and…
  • Default Image

    Ten Minute Wait

    I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped…
  • Default Image

    The Mayor's Burden

    One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who…
  • Default Image

    Will She Say Yes?

    An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and…
  • lawn ornament mis-hap

    Apology

    A customer at the counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two…