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    Bar Room Houdini

    A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance"…
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    Winter in Wisconsin

    It's winter in WisconsinAnd the gentle breezes blow,70 miles per hourAt 52 below! Oh, how…
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    Job Search Woe

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure…
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    Art Good News/Bad News

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on…
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    Not Likely

    In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the…
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    Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead at 71

    Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He…
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    Words Per Day

    Abraham was reading an article out loud to his wife. "Did you know that women use about…
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    Time Management

    The church wanted to help their congregation cope better with the stresses of modern…
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    Garage Keys

    The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.…
  • football

    Football Newbie

    A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked…
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    Goober Exam

    The Goober reported for her University final examination, which consisted of"yes/no" type…
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    Bridge Over Troubled Waters

    There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks: Rufus and Clarence.…
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    Circles

    During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed…
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    Out of Gas Advice

    After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it…
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    Dog Errand

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.…

It's clear why these people needed to call a "help" line.

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Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"

Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"

Customer: "It's on the door of your business."

Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

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Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)

"If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland."

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "OK."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"

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