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    Whale Speak

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    Pregnant Stamp

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    Astute Visionaries?

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    In-Flight Humor

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    Post Card Help

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    Returned E-mail

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    Tournament Weather`

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    Too Distant / Too Close

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    First Date Nerves

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    Corn Problem

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    Back To School

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    Chair Test

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    Apology

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    Grandma and God

    My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are…
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    Need a Push

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over…

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.  A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.  The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster.  It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"

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