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    The Patch

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his…
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    Parking Lot Stay

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    I Hope I'm Sick

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    Headlines from 2050

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    Untouched for 600 Years

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    Military Inspection

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    Temperance River

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    Wilderness Trip

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    Pastor Tim as the Dumb Guy

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    The Top Ten Things Not to Do at Your Child's Performance or Sports Event

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    Playing House

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    Attainable New Year's Resolutions

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    Overboard Rescue

    Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a beautiful young…
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    Thanks

    A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an…
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    Halloween Pun

    Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe -- as it happens, in…

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.  A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.  The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster.  It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"

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