logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Holiday Merger

MAJOR HOLIDAY MERGER ANNOUNCED

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, It was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.  An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.  By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.  As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.  Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.  A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared content with this decision.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well.  He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market.  Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Labor Pains

    When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three…
  • Default Image

    Carjacking Foiled

    TRUE STORY:Carjacking Foiled:An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4…
  • picture of broomstick

    Call Me Leroy

    Uncle Leroy got a job down at the broom factory. On his first day the straw boss (floor…
  • Default Image

    Dog Rules

    Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard To Protect NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the…
  • office

    Work Phrases Explained

    Advanced Design: Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters. All New: Parts…
  • Default Image

    Theme Songs For Bible Characters

    Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise" Lazarus:…
  • Default Image

    Dangerous Dog

    Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, "Danger! Beware…
  • Default Image

    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
  • Default Image

    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
  • Default Image

    Weird Library Reference Questions

    All of these situations are real and some of them were mighty embarrassing.Enjoy! Part 1:…
  • Default Image

    Library Confusion

    The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the…
  • Default Image

    "Grace"ous Host

    A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old…
  • Default Image

    Government Car

    As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital for treatment…
  • Default Image

    Haircut Conversations

    *A Woman's Conversation About a Haircut:*Oh! That's so cute!Do you think so? I wasn't…
  • Default Image

    Sticking Out

    At our daughter's high school graduation, I couldn't help noticing a young man sporting a…