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More Jokes

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    Parking Lot Speed Limit

    Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly…
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    Crash Report

    As he reviewed pilot crash reports, my Air Force military science professor stumbled upon…
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    In My Day

    A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one…
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    Cow Puzzler

    This is a cool puzzler. See if you can follow it - out loud is even better!1. Say COW…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Finish Paving

    While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands…
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    Someone At The Door

    A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to…
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    Battery Life

    An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for…
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    Time Management

    The church wanted to help their congregation cope better with the stresses of modern…
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    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…
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    Wheat Exports

    Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question:…
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    Baby Help

    Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place…
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    The Top Seven things overhead on the Wise Men's Journey:

    The Top Seven things overhead on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem: 7. Man, I'm…
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    Come About

    A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a…
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    Ten Commandments

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and…
Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.

- I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.

- I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.

- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him.  Unfortunately, my homework drowned.

- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.

- I'm not at liberty to say why.

- I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.

- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas.  You don't want to know the details.

- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.

- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.

- My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.

- It's against my religion to do any homework.

- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.

- I felt it wasn't challenging enough.

- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night.  Don't worry, they have been suitably punished.

- We had homework?!

- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is "blah, blah, blah."

- I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
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