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More Jokes

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    Artist's Sketch

    Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got…
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    Midterm Exam

    The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of…
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    First Sermon

    At his first service, the new preachers sermon was extremely long and dull. As he…
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    Returned E-mail

    The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for…
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    Second Wave

    While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the…
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    Flight Delay Announcement

    A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced a flight delay just before they…
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    Garage Wow

    There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his…
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    DIY Complications

    The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him…
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    Job Impressions

    I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always…
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    Coffee Pain

    Linda and Jill were chatting over coffee.Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange…
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    Fax Hint

    As a professor at the Air Force Institute of Technology, I taught a series of popular…
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    More Insurance Claims

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled…
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    Check Your Bill

    A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big…
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    Beauty Watch

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.…
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    Almost Redialed

    I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and…
Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.

- I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.

- I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.

- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him.  Unfortunately, my homework drowned.

- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.

- I'm not at liberty to say why.

- I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.

- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas.  You don't want to know the details.

- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.

- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.

- My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.

- It's against my religion to do any homework.

- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.

- I felt it wasn't challenging enough.

- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night.  Don't worry, they have been suitably punished.

- We had homework?!

- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is "blah, blah, blah."

- I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
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