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More Jokes

  • Last Minute Turkey

    Last Minute Turkey

    It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on…
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    Cherokee 180

    One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active…
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    Hitchhiker Problem

    John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker.As they rode along he…
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    Parking Lot Stay

    I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down…
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    Dog Errand

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.…
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    Politcal Quotes

    "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain…
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    Arguing

    The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would…
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    What Does That Mean?

    Little Levi attended church for the first time with his buddy, Jimmy. As the pastor got…
  • picture of a grandfather

    Grandpa's Manners

    "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?"…
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    Turning Left

    My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving…
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    Dog Meters

    Two dogs out and about, walk over to a parking meter.One says to the other, "How do you…
  • woman surprised

    Remembering Names

    When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their…
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    Waking Up

    This week a man awoke from a coma that had lasted for 62 years. His first question was,…
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    Inclusive Poster

    Anxious to include as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human…
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    Driver's License Examiners

    While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau…
Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.

- I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.

- I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.

- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him.  Unfortunately, my homework drowned.

- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.

- I'm not at liberty to say why.

- I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.

- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas.  You don't want to know the details.

- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.

- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.

- My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.

- It's against my religion to do any homework.

- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.

- I felt it wasn't challenging enough.

- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night.  Don't worry, they have been suitably punished.

- We had homework?!

- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is "blah, blah, blah."

- I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
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