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More Jokes

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    Rich Uncle

    Two men are talking. One says to the other, "I shouldn't have told my fiancée about my…
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    Cast Your Bread

    My mom, a difficult independent, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day…
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    Price Reduction

    Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per…
  • judges gavel

    Duelling Judges

    Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in…
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    Vulgar Parrot

    So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a…
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    School Curlers

    ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked…
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    Loudest Band

    For two years I managed a group of musicians who proudly labeled themselves "the loudest…
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    Mirror Honesty

    A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full…
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    Military Inspection

    The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to…
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    And Then They Voted

    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was…
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    Do As I Say!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a…
  • workshop

    Modern Tool Reality

    Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern…
  • phone handheld 2

    Calls to Information Assistance

    Just a few decades ago, before the days of Google and online information, people would…
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    Car Moving

    It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the…
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    No More Gators

    While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but…
Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.

- I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.

- I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.

- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him.  Unfortunately, my homework drowned.

- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.

- I'm not at liberty to say why.

- I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.

- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas.  You don't want to know the details.

- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.

- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.

- My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.

- It's against my religion to do any homework.

- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.

- I felt it wasn't challenging enough.

- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night.  Don't worry, they have been suitably punished.

- We had homework?!

- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is "blah, blah, blah."

- I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
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