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Homilies to Live By

  • book mysteryGive a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
  • According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
  • There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. (Thanks to Brian P. for letting us know this last one is from the 'Hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy' series by Douglas Adams.)

More Jokes

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    Happy Birthday Call

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    Unfinished Quest

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    Accents

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    Shhhhhh!

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    Helping Mom

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    Thoughts on Genealogy

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  • This old woman would never drink beer.

    Bottle Drive

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    Name The Twins

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    Check The Mirror

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    Egg Contents

    One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached…
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    The War of the Navels

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    Photo Apology

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    Out of Gas Options

    The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to…
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    Never Be Late

    A local priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A…