logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

How Cold is it?

thermometerAn annotated thermometer:

(degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius)

+50 / +10
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Thunder Bayites plant gardens

+40 / +4
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Canadians sunbathe

+35 / +2
* Italian cars don't start

+32 / 0
* Distilled water freezes

+30 / -1
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Thunder Bayites eat ice cream

+25 / -4
* Boston water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

+20 / -7
* Cleveland water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15 / -10
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Thunder Bayites go swimming

+10 / -12
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going

0 / -18
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

-5 / -21
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii

-10 / -23
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate

-15 / -26
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Canadians lick flagpoles

-20 / -29
* Cat insists on sleeping in your pyjamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens

-25 / -32
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training

-30 / -34
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* Thunder Bayites shovel snow off roof

-38 / -39
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Canadians button top button

-40 / -40
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Thunder Bayites put on sweaters

-50 / -46
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60 / -51
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
* Thunder Bayites put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70 / -57
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste.
Marie

-80 / -62
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Rhinelander Birkebeiner
* Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-90 / -68
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
* Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer

-100 / -73
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Canadians pull down earflaps

-173 / -114
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

-297 / -183
* Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on dairy products

-445 / -265
*Superconductivity

-452 / -269
*Helium becomes a liquid

-454 / -270
*Hell freezes over

-456 /-271
*Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

-458 / -272
*Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
*All atomic motion ceases
*Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • picture of a football referee

    MIT PHD

    There's the story about the MIT student who spent an entire summer going to Harvard…
  • Default Image

    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
  • Default Image

    Someone Is Knocking

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All…
  • Default Image

    Three Expectant Fathers

    Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room…
  • Default Image

    Range Cancelled

    At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second…
  • Default Image

    Computer Error

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob the computer guy, to come over.…
  • Default Image

    Ring Appraisal

    An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a…
  • Default Image

    Sibling Takes

    As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children…
  • Default Image

    Martha Raye, Stewardess

    I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a…
  • Default Image

    Dog Calls

    Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty…
  • toaster

    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
  • Default Image

    Diaper Change

    "Here's your problem," says the doctor to the first-time father. "This baby's in serious…
  • meal family

    Kids' Kitchen Terms

    BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even…
  • Default Image

    Rustic Dining

    As a trail guide in a national park, Danny ate with the rest of the seasonal staff in a…
  • hammer

    Helping Daddy

    One day a young boy ran crying to his mother and rubbing his behind. His mother said,…