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    Vat A Country!

    Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He…
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    Politcal Quotes

    "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain…
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    Goober Vacuum

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Foul Suspicion

    After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went…
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    Called In Sick

    Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union…
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    Goober Nails

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Dumb Sports Quotes

    Dumb Sports Quotes *"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a…
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    Kissing Son

    I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and…
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    Address Change

    My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas…
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    Concert Lights

    My 14-year-old daughter, Maggie, and her best friend, Joannie are fans of 60's music.…
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    Blind Pilots

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Too Late To Date

    After the death of a never married 94-year old spinster of his parish, the rector was…
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    Goober Mirror

    Two goobers, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.Carol noticed a compact on the…
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    Special Message

    "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in…
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    Miracle Return

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.…

thermometerAn annotated thermometer:

(degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius)

+50 / +10
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Thunder Bayites plant gardens

+40 / +4
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Canadians sunbathe

+35 / +2
* Italian cars don't start

+32 / 0
* Distilled water freezes

+30 / -1
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Thunder Bayites eat ice cream

+25 / -4
* Boston water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

+20 / -7
* Cleveland water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15 / -10
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Thunder Bayites go swimming

+10 / -12
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going

0 / -18
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

-5 / -21
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii

-10 / -23
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate

-15 / -26
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Canadians lick flagpoles

-20 / -29
* Cat insists on sleeping in your pyjamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens

-25 / -32
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training

-30 / -34
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* Thunder Bayites shovel snow off roof

-38 / -39
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Canadians button top button

-40 / -40
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Thunder Bayites put on sweaters

-50 / -46
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60 / -51
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
* Thunder Bayites put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70 / -57
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste.
Marie

-80 / -62
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Rhinelander Birkebeiner
* Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-90 / -68
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
* Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer

-100 / -73
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Canadians pull down earflaps

-173 / -114
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

-297 / -183
* Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on dairy products

-445 / -265
*Superconductivity

-452 / -269
*Helium becomes a liquid

-454 / -270
*Hell freezes over

-456 /-271
*Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

-458 / -272
*Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
*All atomic motion ceases
*Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy.

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