logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Chapatti Riddle

    In a party one of Pastor Tim's friends asked him how many chapattis he could eat with an…
  • deer

    Hunting Prayer

    The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our…
  • Default Image

    Chair Test

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
  • Default Image

    Deer Prayer

    The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.Or…
  • Default Image

    Kitten Revival

    A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He…
  • Default Image

    Elevator Repair

    Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the…
  • pay phone

    Listening In

    A long time ago, before the days of cell phones, I needed to call home, and the only pay…
  • Default Image

    Sick Day

    Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a…
  • Default Image

    Build It and They Will Come

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
  • Default Image

    Dog Calls

    Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty…
  • Default Image

    Parenting Tip

    Mary Siegel was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best…
  • Default Image

    Sunday Funnies

    One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship…
  • Default Image

    Stern Announcement

    During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and…
  • Default Image

    Marriage Proposal

    Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor…
  • Default Image

    Grandpa's Day Out

    Grandpa's Day Out A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa…

I.  Grasp cat firmly in your arms.  Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle.  Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.

2.  Retrieve cat from top of lamp, and pill from under the sofa.

3.  Follow same procedure as in 1.  but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm.  Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4.  Retrieve cat from under the bed.  Get new pill from bottle.  (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5.  Again proceed as in 1.  except when you have cat firmly cradled in the bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop pill in quickly.  Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing.  That's just as well.

6.  Leave cat hanging on the drapes.  Leave pill in your hair.

7.  If your a woman, have a good cry.  If your a man, have a good cry.

8.  Now pull yourself together.  Who's the boss here anyway?  Retrieve cat and pill.  Assuming position 1.  say sternly, "Who the boss here anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and Oooops!

9.  This isn't working is it?  Collapse and think.  Aha!  Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10.  Crawl to linen closet.  Drag back large beach towel.  Spread towel on floor.

11.  Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12.  Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13.  Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach.  (resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14.  Roll cat in towel.  Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.

15.  Resume position.  Rotate your left hand to cat's head.  Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the pedals on a snap dragon.

16.  Drop pill into cats mouth and poke gently.  Voila!  It's done.

17.  Vacuum up loose fur (cats).  Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18.  Take two aspirins and lie down.

Powered By JFBConnect