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    Shy Visit To The Dentist

    A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The…
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    Where's Mommy

    One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he…
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    Walking Recovery

    An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected…
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    Raise Request

    Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three men's work for one man's pay. Now I want…
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    More One-liners

    I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness…
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    2 Words

    A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years. Then…
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    Computer One-liners - Part 1

    Computer One-liners - Part 1Hard Disk space: the final frontier!Hardware: The parts of a…
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    Tech Smoke

    A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.Tech: What's the…
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    Elementary Motherhood

    Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions: Why…
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    Chapatti Riddle

    In a party one of Pastor Tim's friends asked him how many chapattis he could eat with an…
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    Careful Pulling The Plug

    Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one…
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    Dear Dog

    Dear Dog,I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which…
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    Lion Attack

    Two wildlife documentary film makers were filming a wild lion in Africa when they both…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    Baseball Basics

    At one point during a game, the baseball coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…

I.  Grasp cat firmly in your arms.  Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle.  Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.

2.  Retrieve cat from top of lamp, and pill from under the sofa.

3.  Follow same procedure as in 1.  but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm.  Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4.  Retrieve cat from under the bed.  Get new pill from bottle.  (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5.  Again proceed as in 1.  except when you have cat firmly cradled in the bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop pill in quickly.  Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing.  That's just as well.

6.  Leave cat hanging on the drapes.  Leave pill in your hair.

7.  If your a woman, have a good cry.  If your a man, have a good cry.

8.  Now pull yourself together.  Who's the boss here anyway?  Retrieve cat and pill.  Assuming position 1.  say sternly, "Who the boss here anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and Oooops!

9.  This isn't working is it?  Collapse and think.  Aha!  Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10.  Crawl to linen closet.  Drag back large beach towel.  Spread towel on floor.

11.  Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12.  Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13.  Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach.  (resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14.  Roll cat in towel.  Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.

15.  Resume position.  Rotate your left hand to cat's head.  Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the pedals on a snap dragon.

16.  Drop pill into cats mouth and poke gently.  Voila!  It's done.

17.  Vacuum up loose fur (cats).  Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18.  Take two aspirins and lie down.

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