logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

How To Write A College Paper

picture of university buildingHow to write a College Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.

5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one of your favorite CDs and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.

10. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.

11. Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.

12. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.

14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.

15. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.

16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.

17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.

21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the thrill of it.

23. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

24. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    The Perfect Church Design

    A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three month…
  • Default Image

    Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff

    *Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff* 1. CEO frequently overheard mumbling,…
  • Default Image

    Goodwill Offering

    During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he…
  • Default Image

    75 Stories

    Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the…
  • man shopping

    Can't Take It With You

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
  • Default Image

    Dear Abby, Dear Reader

    Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much on me I'm not even sure…
  • Default Image

    PICNIC Problem

    Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed…
  • Default Image

    High Blood Pressure

    A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic…
  • Default Image

    Labor Costs

    A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with…
  • Default Image

    Worm Stubborn

    Little Josh was brought to Dr Gill cause he hadn't eaten anything for days. Dr Gill…
  • Default Image

    Sermon Comment

    After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying…
  • Default Image

    "Grace"ous Host

    A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old…
  • Default Image

    Golf desire

    Detailed instructions on managing your subscription are included after the body of this…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
  • coffee cup

    Clean Cup

    Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they…