logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

How To Write A College Paper

picture of university buildingHow to write a College Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.

5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one of your favorite CDs and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.

10. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.

11. Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.

12. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.

14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.

15. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.

16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.

17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.

21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the thrill of it.

23. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

24. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Ways To Drive A Man Crazy

    ~ Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. ~ Organize his workshop,…
  • Default Image

    Football Signals

    A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So…
  • women looking

    Fed Up

    Long ago, on New York's lower east side, Mrs. Spinelli and Mrs. Goldberg were bragging as…
  • Default Image

    Abstract Noun

    "An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch…
  • Default Image

    Rain or Shine

    It was raining quite hard as U.S. Marine trainees assembled outdoors for a briefing. On a…
  • Default Image

    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
  • Default Image

    Tell Tale Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work

    Tell Tale Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work...- You've read the entire Dilbert…
  • thief

    Finally

    A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"…
  • Default Image

    Goober Y2K Date Change Project Status:

    Y-to-K Date Change Project Status: Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time…
  • money

    Poor Widow

    A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at…
  • Default Image

    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
  • Default Image

    Happy Birthday Elsie

    I play pinochle regularly with seven other women, most of whom are 70 or older. Recently…
  • Default Image

    New Computer Viruses You Should Know About

    *New Computer Viruses You Should Know About* THE LIBERAL VIRUS Before deleting all your…
  • Default Image

    Bad Day Sign

    You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first…
  • car lincoln

    Faithful Service Gift

    I recall a story my father used to tell about a pastor who had been at a church for 20…