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More Jokes

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    Husband's Estimate

    Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years…
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    Reading Problem

    A patient came to me to discuss her nine year old son who was having difficulty reading.…
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    Rest In Peace

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner

    You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honour…
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    Community Newspaper

    Gilbert, South Carolina is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a…
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    Convenient Robbery

    Tim and Bill were standing in a bank when a pair of robbers entered the lobby. Not only…
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    Goober Jokes Galore!

    What do you call an eternity? Four Goobers in four cars at a four way stop. Why do…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    Car Moving

    It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the…
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    What The Teacher Says and What She Really Means

    1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his…
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    Bilingual Parrot

    This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. He sees one on a perch with a red string…
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    Summer Camp

    A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer…
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    Three Rules

    One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to…
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    Army Fib

    While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old…
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    Nervous Young Minister

    A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will…

picture of mom and child*If They Had a Doting Mother*

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

MOSES' MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

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