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More Jokes

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    Golf Survey

    My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18…
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    Commando Moses

    Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well,…
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    Y1K

    Canterbury, England. AD 999. An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout…
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    Dieting Buddies

    Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on…
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    Funeral Weather

    As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.The deceased was a little old lady who…
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    How High Can You Go?

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty…
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    Disguising Presents

    Three-year-old Elizabeth was helping her mother Melinda wrap a present for her father.…
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    The Toddler Diet

    Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that…
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    Illegal Turn

    A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it…
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    Maine Vets

    Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one…
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    How Did You Get Me?

    A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer…
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    Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords

    1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "This…
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    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
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    Something Nice For Dad

    Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his…
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    Doctor Quotes

    The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by…

picture of mom and child*If They Had a Doting Mother*

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

MOSES' MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

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