More Jokes

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    The following was overheard at a recent 'high society' party."My ancestry goes back all…
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    Hog Mark-up

    My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next…
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    Misbehaving Phone Call

    Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.Two days…
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    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
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    Puppy Power

    Officer Roland, near the end of his shift, noticed a woman driving a small pickup truck…
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    Sheriff Vet

    The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang,…
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    Cool In The Desert

    Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an…
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    Putting the Cat Out

    A couple is going out for an evening on the town.When they are almost ready to go, the…
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    Eating Out

    Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches…
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    Goober in Snow Storm

    A goober got lost in her car in a New England snow storm. She remembered what her dad had…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
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    Without Glasses

    Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the…
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    Movie Seats

    After I had purchased movie tickets for myself and my girlfriend, she went inside to find…
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    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,…
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    Medical Alert

    A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what…

investingSTOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Ha ha ha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

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