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More Jokes

  • horse race

    Worst Horse Ever

    A jockey is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The…
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    Soup Objects

    The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in an eatery. It…
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    Crate of Chickens

    The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had…
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    The Rules of Bureaucracy

    1. Preserve thyself.2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.3. A penny…
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    Kids on Marriage

    Kids on marriage.... How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?******- "You flip a nickel,…
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    Tips From Cowboys

    ~ Never squat with your spurs on!~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.~ There's two…
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    Abstract Noun

    "An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch…
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    Vow of Silence

    A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years. Then…
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    Newcomer Court

    "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be…
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    Good Old Dave

    Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into…
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    Visiting Oxford

    An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don…
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    Run Through the Woods

    Two campers, both in the 60s are walking through the woods. A huge brown bear suddenly…
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    Pick a Hymn

    One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and…
  • birthday2

    Jury Age

    Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice.…
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    Goober on the Loose

    Three convicts escaped from prison. They made it to the downtown of a nearby city but…

investingSTOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Ha ha ha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

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