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More Jokes

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    The Points System

    For all of us guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of…
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    Honeymoon In England

    On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick…
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    Failing Eyesight

    An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was…
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    Boy Scout Tips

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the…
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    What Happened

    "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in…
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    Sewing Lesson

    My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to…
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    Parking Confusion

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Election Poetry

    In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. But The Great…
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    Bible Confusion

    The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first…
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    Politcal Quotes

    "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain…
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    Cake Disaster

    Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited…
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    Good News Dewey

    Olga phoned her husband, Dewey, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said Dewey, "but…
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    Who Gets the Dog?

    A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys,…
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    10 Easy Ways To Say No

    I'd love to, but...1 I have to floss my cat.2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.3 I want…
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    Fried Eggs

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly her husband burst…

 

Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."

- The parts of speech are lungs and air.

- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

- The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down

- You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

- A vibration is a motion that can't make up it's mind which way it wants to go.

- There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- I'm not sure how clouds are formed, but clouds know how to do it, and that's the important part.

- Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it gets big enough to drop, it does.

- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

- It is so hot in some places that people have to live in other places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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