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    Ride To Church

    A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to…
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    Two Kids

    Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted…
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    Dressing Down

    When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and…
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    Get-Well Gift

    My wife coordinates get-well gifts for our church members who are in the hospital.…
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    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
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    Ah, Newlyweds

    There are never any secrets! A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,…
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    Perfectly Made

    When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds…
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    Chicken Recipe

    Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb. chicken1 cup melted butter1 cup stuffing1 cup uncooked…
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    Its On The Way

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any…
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    Pull Over

    "Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop.The lady complied, and the judge next day…
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    Comments Never Heard at Church

    1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed…
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    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
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    Restaurant Service

    The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a…
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    Lost and Found

    A police car pulled up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa got out. The…
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    Paper Eater

    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the…

 

Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."

- The parts of speech are lungs and air.

- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

- The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down

- You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

- A vibration is a motion that can't make up it's mind which way it wants to go.

- There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- I'm not sure how clouds are formed, but clouds know how to do it, and that's the important part.

- Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it gets big enough to drop, it does.

- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

- It is so hot in some places that people have to live in other places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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