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More Jokes

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    Alcohol Consumption Warnings

    Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the…
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    Goober & Cell Phone

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first…
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    100 GB

    Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the…
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    Baseball Doctor

    As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment…
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    Science Fair Responses

    Responses to questions on 5th and 6th grade science tests:- There are 26 vitamins in all,…
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    Wakeup Fight

    Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to…
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    No E-mail (copyrighted??)

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his…
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    Dial A Prayer Twist

    They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but…
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    Ways To Drive A Man Crazy

    ~ Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. ~ Organize his workshop,…
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    Answering Machine Messages

    *Answering Machine Messages*Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already…
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    ATM Correction

    My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community…
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    Cake Disaster

    Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited…
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    Things Moms Would Never Say

    ~ "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"~ "Yeah, I used to skip school a…
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    Visiting List

    A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the…
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    Rookie Landing

    As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight a flight attendant…

 

Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."

- The parts of speech are lungs and air.

- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

- The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down

- You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

- A vibration is a motion that can't make up it's mind which way it wants to go.

- There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- I'm not sure how clouds are formed, but clouds know how to do it, and that's the important part.

- Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it gets big enough to drop, it does.

- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

- It is so hot in some places that people have to live in other places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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