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    School Excuse

    At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and…
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    Other Uses for Fruitcake

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    Egg Contents

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    Stolen Truck

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    This Town is so Small...

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    Sinner

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    Animal Superbowl

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    Return Policy

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    Dog Report

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    Preacher's Donkey

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    I Love My Job

    I Love My Job (apologies to Dr. Seuss) I love my job, I love the pay, I love it more and…
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    How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

    How To Know When You Are Ready For ParenthoodMESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa…
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    Mom, Send Money

    A kid called up his mum from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out…
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    Toilet Brush

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…

Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease.

There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.

She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.

"I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway."

Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap dish--but good."

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