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    No Frills Airlines

    ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the…
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    PTA Speakers

    As a traffic safety consultant, I often gave talks to organizations on accident…
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    Orchestra Note

    While a famous orchestra was on tour, the conductor found this note under his hotel room…
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    Chicken Recipe

    Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb. chicken1 cup melted butter1 cup stuffing1 cup uncooked…
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    If You Love Someone

    Pessimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... if she ever comes back, she's yours, If…
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    More Cute Kids

    On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small…
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    Comedians' Convention

    Someone brought a visitor and the new fellow sat fascinated as the funnymen shouted out…
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    Money Date

    Part way through his dinner date, my brother deduced the woman he was with was more…
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    You Know You're Growing Old When...

    You know you're growing old when... ..you've come to the annoying realization that your…
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    Burger Change

    I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger…
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    Sick Call

    Mr. Frobisher constantly called Dr. Wilson at all hours of the day and night and would…
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    Threatening Letters

    The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening…
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    You're Not a Kid Anymore When

    You're not a kid anymore when ...* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is…
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    Marry An Actor

    An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand…
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    Party Favor

    After classical violinist Fritz Kreisler was invited to a society party, the hostess…
"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum."
(A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.)

"Domino vobiscum."
(The pizza guy's here.)

"Sharpei diem."
(Seize the Wrinkled Dog.)

"Motorolus interruptus."
(Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)

"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi forevercus."
(Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)

"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus."
(It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)

"Tempo Waturim."
(I drove my Ford off a bridge.)

"Litigata Ergo Sum."
(I sue, therefore I am.)

"Et tu, pluribus unum?"
(The government just stabbed me in the back!)

"Cavett Emptor."
(Beware, Dick Cavett could still make a comeback.)
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