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    Aerobic Dismay

    Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I…
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    Suffering Vanity

    Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her…
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    You Know You're Getting Old When

    You know you're getting there when... Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt…
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    Nature Abhors A Simile

    There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald…
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    Guard Dog Sniff

    My boyfriend, Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard…
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    Sibling Takes

    As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children…
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    All You Can Drink

    There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that…
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    Dance Rejection

    A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at…
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    Goober Travel Times

    A Goober gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and…
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    Vice President of Peas

    Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and…
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    Hair Mission

    In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a…
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    Calling For Technical Support

    Calling For Technical Support (sound familiar?)------------------------------ Ring...…
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    Cute Baby

    When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor…
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    More Newspaper Bloopers

    Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on "Destructive Pests". A…
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    Turtle Keeper

    Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the…

If you have to write a "letter of recommendation" for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases:

-For the chronically absent:

"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."

-For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."

-For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

-For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

-For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

-For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."

-For a dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."

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