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  • burns and benny

    Burns and Benny

    Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers working their…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

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    A Diet For Dealing With Stress

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    Muffled Workers

    Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good…
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    Hostage Situation

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    Pants Dilemma

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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #3

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    Interview Excerpts

    The following, allegedly, are actual post-interview excerpts collected from middle…
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    Goober Quotes

    I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes…
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    Beauty Cosmetics

    Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    Bicycle Accidents

    In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserma Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very…
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    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
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    Lawyer Son

    When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her Ability to answer the…
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    Inventions That Didn't Succeed

    The waterproof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlights Submarine…

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on-time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared, and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country, he was told to turn due south. Knowing that this turn would throw him further behind schedule, with some agitation he inquired to the controller about the reason for the turn off course.

The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look, buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don't see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over six miles above the earth!"

The controller answered in a calm voice, "Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747s collide!"

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