logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Martha's Way vs My Way

ice cream2Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone. For Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

~*~

Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.  The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.

~*~

Martha's way #3: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box springs.

~*~

Martha's way #4: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.

My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.

~*~

Martha's way #5: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

~*~

Martha's way #6: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

~*~

Martha's way #7: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.

~*~

Martha's way #8: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.

My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?

~*~

Martha's way #9: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.

~*~

Martha's way #10: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water.  If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway.  If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.

~*~

Martha's way #11: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore. Now you are blind.

~*~

Martha's way #12: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish-washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

~*~

Martha's way #13: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Slow-Driving Grandma

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police…
  • Default Image

    Charity Answer

    Father O'Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He…
  • Default Image

    I can't come in to work today because . . . .

    - "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm…
  • Default Image

    Service for One

    On Sunday, the new young pastor arrived at church and found only an old farmer had shown…
  • man4

    Dad Sayings

    I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance…
  • id card

    ID Card

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a…
  • coins

    Yale Educated

    (Wondering what a goober is? You can see one here.) The bank manager noticed the new…
  • perfume gift

    Surprise Gift

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
  • Default Image

    New Friend Sincerity

    Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to…
  • couple old

    Passing Pain

    An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good…
  • Default Image

    Signs The Car You Bought Is A Lemon

    1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and…
  • Default Image

    Change Help

    A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and…
  • Default Image

    Loose Fitting Clothing

    April teaches many aerobic classes. She told a lady who was looking to sign up for the…
  • Default Image

    Toilet Repair

    Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire…
  • Default Image

    For Charlotte

    A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is…