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More Jokes

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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Finally Heard

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.The…
  • The Seniors' Serenity Prayer

    Serenity for Seniors

    God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to…
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    Pop Rocks

    Cassie was taking two of her Grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio…
  • Signs of our Time

    Signs of the Times

    In a veterinarian's office:"All unattended children given free kitten" In the parking lot…
  • cooking

    Cooking Terms

    Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a…
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    Police Pastor

    A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the…
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    More Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    Low 80's Golf

    "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at…
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    Losing New Balls

    Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his…
  • mom and child

    Please and Thank You

    While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She…
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    First I Got

    Elmer says, "First, I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that…
  • plane war

    Commando Moses

    Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well,…
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    Bedtime Suggestion

    I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid…
  • handcuff

    Houdini Wannabe

    A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance"…

1.  How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both are bad at asking you questions
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does any dishes.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

2.  How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs are colour-blind.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

3.  Where Dogs Fall Down

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.

4.  Why Dogs are Better than Women

Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

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