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  • Last Minute Turkey

    Last Minute Turkey

    It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on…
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    Texas Cruise

    A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.…
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    Family Album

    I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.My sisters and I were looking…
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    Tip Revenge

    A man finds his seat in the theater, but it's too far from the stage. He whispers to the…
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    The Difference Between Men and Women

    This is a Dave Barry item. Do not use in your book.********** Let's say a guy named Fred…
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    2503 Years Old

    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in Latin America,…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
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    What It Means

    Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census…
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    Shott Versus Nott

    A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not.…
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    4 Year Old Rider

    Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old…
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    Scared vs. Apprehension

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
  • frog love

    Things Not To Say To On Date

    Things Not To Say To On Date * I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I…
  • snails

    Turtle Accident

    Two snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, "Do you guys…
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    More Actual Classified Ads

    More Actual Classified Ads - - - - - Stock up and save. Limit: one. - We build bodies…
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    Medical Fraud

    The police recently busted a man selling 'secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal…

1.  How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both are bad at asking you questions
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does any dishes.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

2.  How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs are colour-blind.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

3.  Where Dogs Fall Down

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.

4.  Why Dogs are Better than Women

Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

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