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More Jokes

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    No Pets Allowed

    Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a…
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    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    In Need of Prayer

    A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to…
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    Stolen Truck

    The young goober came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Jake, somebody just…
  • baptism

    Signs of A Bad Baptismal Service

    *Top Ten Signs You are At a Bad Baptismal Service* 10. The Coast Guard is involved. 9.…
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    Goober Travelers

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: * I had someone ask for an…
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    What He Says - What He Means

    What He Says - What He Means"I'm going fishing."Really means: "I'm going to stand by a…
  • winter

    Winter in Wisconsin

    It's winter in WisconsinAnd the gentle breezes blow,70 miles per hourAt 52 below! Oh, how…
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    Theme Songs For Bible Characters

    Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise" Lazarus:…
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    The Company Car

    The Company Car...1. It accelerates at a phenomenal rate.2. It has a much shorter braking…
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    Unfinished Quest

    Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Geronimo and…
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    Goober on the Loose

    Three convicts escaped from prison. They made it to the downtown of a nearby city but…
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    The Magician and The Parrot

    A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different…
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    Lost

    Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along…
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    Accident and Interview

    Thorn was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off…

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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