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More Jokes

  • campsite

    A Father's Method

    A loaded SUV pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leapt from the…
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    Home Early

    Little Dewey burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother…
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    Full Pockets

    A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and…
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    Pulpit Humor

    There was this Lutheran minister who served a predominately German congregation for…
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    Bad Day Sign

    You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first…
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    Self-Evident Truths About Pets

    *Self-Evident Truths About Pets** Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they…
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    Preacher's Best Years

    A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help…
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    Miracle Toddler Diet

    Miracle Toddler DietLosing weight is the number New Year's Resolution.The problem is,…
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    People and Mistakes

    People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.People who do less work... make fewer…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the…
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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
  • A funny joke about marriage

    Shoebox Doilies

    As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near…
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    Dog Growth

    A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained…
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    Lost Hunting

    My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they…
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    Dryer Message

    As a lobbyist in Washington, DC, I'd just finished up a meeting with a Congressman when I…

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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