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More Jokes

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    Tourism Promotion

    Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this…
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    Plane Programming

    At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward…
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    Watermelon Mistake

    Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to…
  • old lady

    Cast Off

    An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the…
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    Clergy Golf

    Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped…
  • A funny diatribe about children and parenting

    Lamentation For Our Kids

    This is rather lengthy but funny. *Laws Pertaining to Dessert* For we judge between the…
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    Letter Pride

    One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student. "Why,…
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    Out of this World Restaurant (groaner)

    Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
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    Not Likely

    In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the…
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    Dangerous Dog

    Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, "Danger! Beware…
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    Expecting

    "How does Jamie like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan."Oh, she's not…
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    Office Visit

    A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu, flippers…
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    Proper Attire

    Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that…
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    Kids In Church

    Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.…
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    Biggest Lie

    Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you…

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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