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More Jokes

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    Murphy’s Laws of Parenting

    - The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning. - The…
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    Nativity Quiz

    A minister is visiting his children to celebrate Christmas. When he walks into the house,…
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    Kid Quotes

    "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."- Donna Maria G, age 9 "Laugh…
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    Deputy Goober

    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Goober - who was not exactly the sharpest…
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    Kettle Rescue

    A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what…
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    Perfect

    There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a…
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    Fortunate Aged People

    Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in…
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    Rifle Tech Support

    It was decided at Microsoft, during a brilliant brainstorming session, that military…
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    Always Corrected

    Frustrated at always being corrected by my hubby, I decided the next time it happened I…
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    The Batchelor

    I realized that my six-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the…
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    Buffalo Comments

    Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the…
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    Dear Dog

    Dear Dog,I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which…
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    Company Role Models

    My company had a successful year, and at the annual meeting, employees eagerly awaited…
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    Wake Up Call

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke…
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    Gate Boarding

    At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement…

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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