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More Jokes

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    What's it Take?

    "What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked.Her…
  • car old

    You Need A New Car When

    You need a new car when ... - You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops…
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    Matchmaker

    Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual…
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    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When

    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When . . .* You can type sixty words a minute with…
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    Computer Error

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob the computer guy, to come over.…
  • If General Motors had a car help line

    Car Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because…
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    Message Puzzle

    April was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day…
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    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…
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    Wedding Report

    "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife."Just fine until I asked the bride if…
  • doctor4

    Exercise Pill

    "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient who…
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    Curve Hand

    A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a…
  • speech bubble

    Famous Last Words

    *Famous Last Words* *Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... *Don't unplug it,…
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    Lawyer News

    "I have good news and bad news," the defence attorney told his client. "First the bad…
  • children3

    Kid Quotes

    "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."- Donna Maria G, age 9 "Laugh…
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    Missing Bags

    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so I went to the lost luggage…

*Military Wisdom*

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."

-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."

-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

-Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."

-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."

-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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