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More Jokes

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    Change Reply

    Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw…
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    Newlywed Breakfast

    "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride,…
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    Radio Transmission

    This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and…
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    Plus or Minus One

    In a contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a…
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    You're not a kid anymore when....

    You're not a kid anymore when....1. You're asleep but others worry that you're dead.2.…
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    Goober Grave Readers

    Three goobers, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were walking home late one night and found themselves…
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    New Brain Study

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
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    Abe Lincoln's Age

    A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the…
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    Mouse Mom

    A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks…
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    Rare Bible

    A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away…
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    Weddings and Funerals

    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling…
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    Why Don't I see You?

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was…
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    No Wonder English is So Hard to Learn

    No wonder English is so hard to learn. We polish the Polish furniture.He could lead if he…
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    Back In My Day

    For those of us who remember the good old days. In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We…
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    Pastor To The Rescue

    There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one…

*Military Wisdom*

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."

-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."

-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

-Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."

-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."

-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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