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More Jokes

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    Tea Service

    One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old…
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    Senior Driver

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.Answering, he heard…
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    Baby Talk

    What your baby would tell you if he could talk:1. I have my blankie, you have your…
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    Second Opinion 2

    A man has not been feeling well and goes to the doctor for a check up. After the physical…
  • office write

    Job Interview

    Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer…
  • freezer

    Freezer Order

    I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals. Forget calling them "Veal…
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    Home Early

    Little Dewey burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother…
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    Grizzly Bears

    Wildlife officials in Alaska are alarmed at the increase in grizzly bear attacks on…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…
  • A woman keeps her promise to send money with her deceased husband.

    Sending it With Him

    There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a…
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    Top Ten Gift Comments

    What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don't Like*.10. "Well, well, well, now,…
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    Sweat Dreams

    While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old…
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    Nature Abhors A Simile

    There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald…
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    Penguin Breakdown

    There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As…
  • guitar bumper sticker

    Bumper Stickers

    If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You Forget World Peace -- Visualize…

*Military Wisdom*

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."

-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."

-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

-Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."

-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."

-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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