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More Jokes

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    Picture Favor

    Dining out one evening, I noticed six teenagers boisterously celebrating some event at a…
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    Birthday Wish

    A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday."I'd like a little…
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    Flight Booking

    After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the…
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    Division of Labor

    The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was…
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    Homework Problem

    One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan's upset because he couldn't…
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    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
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    The Student Mind During Final Exams

    Contents of The Student Mind During Final Exams 10% The prof. never covered this section!…
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    Ashes

    Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey…
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    Bump Start

    About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the…
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    Cold Cream Questions

    A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face."Why…
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    Narrow Escape Responses

    There was an engineer, manager, and a programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The…
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    Ask Jeeves

    My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the…
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    Balance

    I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other…
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    Country Boys

    These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it…
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    Hair Curlers

    My wife still uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. The other night she came into…

*Military Wisdom*

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."

-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."

-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

-Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."

-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."

-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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