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More Jokes

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    Rules for Laboratory Workers

    Rules for Laboratory Workers 1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2.…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
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    Politically Correct Football

    The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes…
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    Intercom Repair

    My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night…
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    Soccer Quotes

    "My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'DAVID BECKHAM "I would…
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    Work Virus

    There is a new virus going around, called "work". If you receive any sort of "work" at…
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    Curve Hand

    A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark, stormy night. The night…
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    Special Message

    "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in…
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    Missionary Mimicking

    A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the…
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    Dear Dog

    Dear Dog,I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which…
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    Automobile Acronyms

    AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs Implemented BMWBeautiful…
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    Granny's Visit

    Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug.…
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    Goober & Cell Phone

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first…
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    Diet Additive

    During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was extolling the merits…
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    Matchmaker

    Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual…

*Military Wisdom*

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."

-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."

-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

-Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."

-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

-U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

-David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."

-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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