logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Car Names Explained

    "Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)AUDI -…
  • Default Image

    Soup Words

    It was a formal banquet. The minister had just finished saying grace when a waiter…
  • movie seats

    Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies

    - It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. - A…
  • Default Image

    Flight Fear

    Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting…
  • picture of a makeup kit

    Beauty Cosmetics

    Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years…
  • Default Image

    Dog Growth

    A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained…
  • Default Image

    Sunday Lollipop

    The boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands. "Where did you get…
  • Default Image

    Busy Mom

    My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the stove with the burners…
  • Default Image

    Signs of Banned Substances

    Signs That An Athlete Is Using A Banned Substance:Gets "psyched" before each competition…
  • dog2

    How Much Are Your Dogs

    If you are not sure what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. It seems this…
  • Default Image

    Chewed Out Answer

    A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he…
  • Default Image

    Car Recognition

    A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a…
  • Default Image

    Bad Flight

    While ferrying workers back and forth from an offshore oil rig, the helicopter lost power…
  • Default Image

    Valedictorian

    At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at…
  • Default Image

    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…

Miracle Toddler Diet

Losing weight is the number New Year's Resolution.

The problem is, hardly anything works.

Well, I found this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds.

Read it and see if you don't agree, it works for my two-year-old.

Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !

DAY ONE:

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.

Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.

Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.

Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt.

Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.

Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair.

Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.

After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Spit several bites onto the floor.

Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.

Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.

Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.

Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Enjoy!

Powered By JFBConnect