logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Miracle Toddler Diet

Miracle Toddler Diet

Losing weight is the number one New Year's Resolution.

The problem is, hardly anything works.

Well, I found this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds.

Read it and see if you don't agree, it works for my two-year-old.

Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !

DAY ONE:

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.

Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.

Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.

Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt.

Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.

Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair.

Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.

After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Spit several bites onto the floor.

Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.

Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.

Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.

Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Enjoy!

More Jokes

  • ambulance

    Does That Hurt

    We live in a small town where we have a volunteer Ambulance Corp. We are blessed with…
  • Default Image

    Kiss Good-bye

    "Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father's den, "I'd like to kiss you…
  • The Seniors' Serenity Prayer

    Serenity for Seniors

    God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to…
  • woman5

    Daddy's Trick

    The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you…
  • picture of hurricane evacuation sign route

    Florida Hurricane Advice

    We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn…
  • Default Image

    Tailing Truck

    A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck…
  • Default Image

    Priceless Grandparent Stories - Part 1

    1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a…
  • Default Image

    Clothing Return

    While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning…
  • Default Image

    Library Lost and Found

    Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten…
  • Default Image

    Keyboard Jockey Exercise

    For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day)…
  • golf tee

    Scheduled Shot

    At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a…
  • Default Image

    Double Talking Dentist

    "Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient."Good…
  • Default Image

    Chicken Cannon

    TRUE STORY!!!! It Does Take a Rocket Scientist Scientists at NASA developed a gun…
  • Default Image

    Words to Ponder

    *Words to Ponder* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. I'd kill…
  • Default Image

    Face Warning

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped…