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    Ten Commandments

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and…
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    Rare Steak

    A cattle rancher went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. When the…
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    Parrot Attitude

    A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an…
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    Before And After Falling In Love

    B - You take my breath awayA - I feel like I'm suffocating B - She says she loves the way…
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    Medical Opinions

    A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them…
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    Bank Arrangements

    Who knows if this is true. Just the same, it's funny!I am told that a 98-year-old woman…
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    Goober Pilots

    Two Goobers (pilots) are trying to land an airplane. They start descending and as they…
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    Employment Search

    My employment search preoccupied our family for months. One day my husband told our three…
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    Fried Eggs

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly her husband burst…
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    Exercise Classes

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.If I *had*…
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    Ahh . . . Friendship

    A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect…
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    Dollar Measure

    Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to…
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    Lodge Meeting

    The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.She…
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    Dog Errand

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.…
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    New Axioms of the Nineties

    New Axioms of the Nineties1. Home is where you hang your @.2. The e-mail of the species…

GOOBERS AT WORK - I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.  She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.  When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.  So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.  As luck would have it, they matched.

GOOBERS & GEOGRAPHY - After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.  My boss said, "Really?  Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia.  He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"

ADVICE FOR GOOBERS - An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

GOOBERS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD - I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.  The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

GOOBERS & COMPUTERS - My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.  Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.  One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal.  Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

GOOBERS ARE EASY TO PLEASE - I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year.
My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping.  I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time.
Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

GOOBERS IN FOOD SERVICE - My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

A GOOBER'S GOOBER - Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.  The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling a lie.  Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

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