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    Sunday Paper

    "Where's my Sunday paper?!" the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly…
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    Carry A Flashlight

    A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin."Is it true…
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    Stork Reunion

    A man took his little boy to the zoo for the very first time. Each time they would see a…
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    VIP Impression

    My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One…
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    Doctor News

    The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad…
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    Supermarket Saavy

    One day my brother-in-law noticed an elderly lady slowly pushing a cart through the…
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    Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

    *Ten Things A Cat Thinks About*1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.2. Is there…
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    Legal Contracts

    The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to…
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    You've Had Too Much Coffee When

    You've had too much coffee when: 1. You ski uphill. 2. You get a speeding ticket even…
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    Quarter Back

    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse:…
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    Moving Label

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…
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    Where did I come from?

    One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come…
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    Catching Fish

    A guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without…
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    Patient Problem

    When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his…
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    Low Watt Stories

    True Stories, by David Smith I went to McDonald's. I looked at the menu and saw that you…

ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night.

ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".  If you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and demand a refund?

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.-Abraham Maslow ON INFINITY If you had everything, where would you keep it?

ON ECONOMICS The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."

English Professor, Ohio University ON REVISIONIST HISTORY What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATION Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVE When you're swimmin' in the creek And an eel bites your cheek That's a moray!

Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers ON MODERNISM Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON LITERATURE This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker ON HUMILITY To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END "...  one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." --

Robert Firth ON EXCUSES I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

Joe Walsh ON NUMBERS Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

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