More Jokes

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    Control Seminar

    The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call "Lunch and Learn" seminars during…
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    The Rules of Bureaucracy

    1. Preserve thyself.2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.3. A penny…
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    Goober Marksman

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Methuselah Diet

    Methuselah ate what he found on his plateAnd never, as people do nowDid he note the…
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    40 Year Solution

    My parents have been married for almost 40 years. Whenever anyone asks my Dad how they've…
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    Cub Reporter Miss

    Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of…
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    First Grade Proverbs

    A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class…
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    Boss Prepared

    As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.He faxed…
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    Appendix Worry

    Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was…
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    Understanding Art

    Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a…
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    Lost Over Washington State

    A helicopter was flying around above Washington State yesterday when an electrical…
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    High School Record

    Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach, Mr. Carlier. Walking…
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    Pastors' Good News/Bad News

    Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.Bad News: You lost two of them in…
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    Finally Heard

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.The…
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    Looking Back

    Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the…

ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night.

ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".  If you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and demand a refund?

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.-Abraham Maslow ON INFINITY If you had everything, where would you keep it?

ON ECONOMICS The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."

English Professor, Ohio University ON REVISIONIST HISTORY What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATION Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVE When you're swimmin' in the creek And an eel bites your cheek That's a moray!

Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers ON MODERNISM Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON LITERATURE This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker ON HUMILITY To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END "...  one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." --

Robert Firth ON EXCUSES I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

Joe Walsh ON NUMBERS Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

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