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    Dog Errand

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.…
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    Employee of the Month

    Chuck Rogers, a self employed marketing consultant, has won his company's 'Employee of…
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    You Know You Are Over the Hill When

    1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music. 2. You're sitting on a park bench…
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    Emergency Flowers

    I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was…
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    Another Try - Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say

    Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...20. You know, when you build your…
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    Confession

    A young girl once confessed to her priest that she thought she was guilty of the sin of…
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    Doctor Quotes

    The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by…
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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    The Good Old Days

    Grandpa and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and…
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    Hospital Forms

    In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others…
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    Bank Name

    Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her…
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    Called In Sick

    Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union…
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    Someone Is Knocking

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All…
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    Reversal of Fortune

    Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you…
  • chickens

    Crate of Chickens

    The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had…

workshopHammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A work-light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cell Phone - The handyman's 911.

Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

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