logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Modern Tool Reality

workshopHammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A work-light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cell Phone - The handyman's 911.

Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Leaving the Farm

    A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the…
  • Default Image

    Fore!

    My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game. "You have to count my…
  • man smile

    Strange Problem

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
  • Default Image

    If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship…
  • chef bad

    You Are A Bad Cook If…

    You can find "You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...part 1" here. - The last time you tried…
  • Default Image

    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…
  • face surprised

    Family Feud Answers

    *Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show Family…
  • Default Image

    Wedding Tears

    During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying until she glanced at…
  • Default Image

    Perfect Pet

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do…
  • Default Image

    Y Zero K bug

    Message from: Rome January 18, 1 BC Dear Cassius, Are you still working on the Y zero K…
  • woman7

    Puppy Love

    For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up…
  • man6

    Ticket Purchase

    A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase…
  • man mechanic

    Last Minute Suggestions

    Automotive Gift Suggestions - Just in Time for Last Minute Christmas Shopping If you have…
  • cake chocolate2

    Finishing

    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So…
  • Default Image

    Laundry Comments

    A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating…